Published on 12, July, 2020
My partner and I moved in at the same time as next door moved into their house. When they first moved in, I felt the lady in particular was trying too hard to be my best friend right away. I don't work like that. It takes me ages to decide if someone is a friend and that's because I want them to be not because it's forced upon me. She talks A LOT and is hard to get away from. She also is a know it all which i find incredibly difficult. Anyway, 18 months later we all get on (not bezzie mates though), and I'm really grateful to have GOOD respectful neighbours as I know you can't choose them. She's at home all day with her baby. I understand she gets bored but that's not my fault. It's just, she often asks me in for a brew if i see her. I've done it a few times to keep things ticking over, not cos I wanted to, but end up staying far too long. It's like I'm trapped.
I went round the other day to get a parcel after work. I was shattered, it was my first week back in work for almost 3 months. She even said how tired I looked. She asked me several times to stay for tea but I politely declined. I was still there over half an hour. She said several times near the end "we should have had that cup of tea after all. I'll ask you next time and you'll say yes and you'll stay even if you only drink half". (She is foreign so it wasn't as forceful as it sounds, it's how she uses English language). It doesn't matter what I say I can't get away.
There's just no concept of bending to other people's needs or saying "hello, here's your parcel, goodbye". How do I manage these situations?? I'm a very passive person and slowly learning to be more assertive but when I'm caught off guard or really tired and have less brain power I don't know how to manage it.
ur neighbour is the opposite of you - watch her and learn from her, she is the best person for u to practise (socialising ) on.
Use her, shes free ! use her as free therapy. in fact think of your 30 minutes chat as therapy, talk over any issues with her.
this is just alternative idea which I am prone to :)
think about it
I can see where you're coming from in that it's a good idea to "flip it" to my advantage. But there are a few things I would like to say on this matter...
Yes i find some social situations hard but I don't actually feel I need practise socialising! I am who I am.
Therapy. I find talking about my problems difficult even with close friends. It's hard to talk to someone about your problems when they're always aiming for one upmanship and advice given is in the form of telling you, and that they ALWAYS know best. It's also hard when you talk about things and they turn it round to be about themselves.
Please don't feel I'm poo-pooing your advice. As I've got older my perspective is changing and I always try to see the good in people and the benefits of a situation. It would be different if I wanted to become friends with her rather than having it put upon me.
you would be an idea volunteer for 7cups.com or the Samartians
it would be a good idea to add something to your profile so people can interact better with u here
Thanks for the links I might have a look! Having an anonymous impartial person to speak to must have really helped you.
Active listening is a really useful skill to have. I did a counselling and mental health course and we learned how to actively listen and empathise with others. It takes practise! My friend said I'm really good at it.... Maybe that's why my neighbour likes talking to me so much! Haha.
I mentioned to someone at work that I can't have a conversation and do a task at the same time. She completely understood. I love what she said next. "People really underestimate the value of silence".
its ok I understand
--- i would recommend 7cups.com. you can create a free account there and choose a pathway eg anxiety or frendship or socialising or depression. I cant remember if ASD/ASC is there or not.
Once u have an account you can request a Listener and talk live a listener using IM. I found it good when I was down.
it is completely anonymous (Listener and you). U will be asked to feedback on ur listener. Tip : only give positive feedback unless someone completely upsets u.
if u are up to it u can do the online training and become a Listener where u listen and empathise with people like u this is where i learnt so much about Mental Health.
This organisation is global so u can talk to people from all round the world.
I no longer use 7cups.com because I am no longer in depression or have bad anxiety. 7cups.com HQ is in California USA.
poo poo me anytime u like :)