Insensitive or over reacting

I get how you feel . Naturally worrying and wondering about what the future holds as well as dealing with the day to day. We hopefully get comfort , support and advice when we meet up with friends / family . All being well being close friends you are able to tentatively bring up that its making you feel a bit emotional when you have these exchanges - I think she'll understand / feel mortified that you've been feeling upset. If you've only just received the diagnosis you need TIME to get your head round this massive news. When our superstar was diagnosed in August we made conscious decision to give ourselves time .... Time to come to terms . It might sound dramatic to some, afterall he's fighting fit, happy and thriving in so many ways. Our son will be 3 in December - he isn't talking either and thinking back to our first born it was the only thing parents ( mums ) could talk about .... What they've said / what they've achieved / how amazing they are / how clever ....... Etc etc 

Having had 3 children now my worries / thoughts on their development rates has chilled out immensely - and would like to think I wasn't ever neurotic to begin with ! our first born didn't start saying proper words til well after his 2nd birthday so when our next son seemingly appeared to be following the same pattern we were probably going to let him be... A friend suggested we get his hearing checked for glue ear at the beginning of the year and from there we had a progressive 6 months of checks tests and appointments leading to this diagnosis . 

Unless you've been through something like this its going to be hard to know how it feels. Your friend will do her best, I'm sure, just as no doubt she'll need to have a moan or groan about her little one to offload on you - you can be there to comfort her

Im also told now that everyone is a little bit on the spectrum in some way shape or form!!! I'm a bit of a crumb freak - hate seeing them on the kitchen surfaces and floors ! I also think I walk on my tip toes a bit too much ! 

..... it's perfectly natural and normal to feel what you've felt. You're human and a caring mum and this is raw and emotional. There's nothing more powerful than the love or worry for our kids - so don't feel bad for feeling these emotions - think its all part of the journey x 

Umm neither? Don't mean to cop out but I utterly sympathise with you and have felt the same way but I suspect your friend would be really upset to realise how you felt.  Parents without special needs kids don't often get it, how can they? A bit like friends that never had kids at all.  She's just letting you in on what's going on for her and our lives do tend to revolve around our kids when they are small.

I remember my friend talking about how her son swore in front of her mum and how terrible it was. I said I'd be happy forjust one word and she was devastated and that made me feel bad! Perhaps just bring it up in a general way when you are talking about your son. Good luck! 

Thanks for the responses guys!

I think I will try to talk her about it.

I am probably more sensitive about it than I should be, as everything is still 'fresh' - for want of a better word. The diagnosis was only confirmed last month, but it has been expected for the last year.

Just thought my little man was slow with his speech - never actually occured to me that he might not ever be able to converse with me.

Hopefully with time it will become easier to hear x

Thanks again, best wishes to you all x

your son is  special.in time he will progress,not at the same  as your friends child,but in a different way.

I think she is probably being a bit insensitive. You are her friend and she is proud of her son, so she wants to share it with you. She just hasn't thought that it might upset you.

Perhaps you could tell her how hard you find it sometimes. I have learnt to cope now with people talking about how well their children are doing, but that is because our son is 17 and we can see just how far he has come. When he was much younger I had to stop seeing one particular person because her child was so brilliant (if her child couldn't do it it couldn't be done!) but it wasn't a particularly close friendship.

As this is a close friend I am sure you will be able to work it out.

hi ck - Sorry - I feel a long post coming on!  Obviously I don't know you or your friend or the children, so bear that in mind.  Perhaps... and only perhaps, it's a bit of both?  She happily reels off her son's achievements + you compare him with your son.  I've often sat with friends over the yrs and felt rather like you.  The thing is, tho, that her son has it easier than yours.  When my son was 18 we got a new sw.  We were chatting about him.  I was telling her when he 1st started talking (at 5 yrs old), how he enjoyed sporty things, how he was practical, his sense of humour, his various other interests:  music, tv, dancing.  My son isn't asperger.  He hasn't passed gcse's.  When I paused, she said "you must be very proud of him".  She recognised the hurdles he'd had to surmount.  He has a good quality of life in supported living with gd staff.  So there's loads of time for you and his school to develop his talents.  He may possibly go to uni as Apple says, or college, or he may not.  Many people don't for various reasons.  My son has people he likes, people he's not bothered about + people he doesn't like. He doesn't make friends but his insight is such that it doesn't bother him the way it might bother another person on the spectrum.  He's much younger than his yrs  and isn't introspective.  So you don't know how things will develop sometimes.   You'll be the most important person in his life, know how asd affects him and you'll be there to help when he needs it.  He's already a little hero. 

I am not in any way trying to compete with my friend. Nor do I feel intimidated by her sons progress.

It makes me sad occasionally when she talks about her son, and just thought as my closest friend she would be more aware of how it would make me feel.

stop trying to compete with your friend.you have a very  special little boy who has great potential,in time your little boy will grow up to be amazing human being who will make you laugh and cry.Its possible your little by with the right support can possibly go to uni. So don't feel intimidated by your friends progress,your son will progress at his own speed.