(sorry in advanced, this question is quite of long and a bit complex, because i have a hard time knowing what is or is not necessary knowledge to share, and i tend to overdo it often by writing too much.)
Me and my partner have been together for two years. They have a second partner, and i am totally ok with that. Me and him are good friends.
My partner has shown a preference for the other partner. They hang out with him much more than with me, and when i ask them if they want to go out and do something with me, they say "oh, let me text (the other partner) and see if he would like to go." and it bothers me. my friend who doesnt understand that i am a bit alexithemic and have a very very hard time talking about emotions, and he told me in front of my partner AND my partner's partner, to tell my partner about how i felt. i told them that i get jealous and feel left out, like option B. they didnt really say anything in response.
their partner told them he doesnt like to be touched, and i told them, "oh i love cuddling and stuff! i always get very jealous when you cuddle with him and not me!" dispite this conversation, my partner has just stopped cuddling all together, even though they liked it with their partner, they haven't given that to me. it makes me feel like they dont actually like me.
lately, they haven't been talking to me much. we used to talk sweet to each other, the normal mushy relationship stuff "i love you more, no i love you more," and "youre so cute!" and they used to call me babe all the time. now they dont do any of those things.
there have been several incidents that have led me (and the other partner, with whom i shared this story with*), to believe i really am second place in the relationship. that makes me feel sad, because i love my partner very very much, but it seems they do not love me as much. (note: please do not tell me to break up with them. i wouldn't be able to handle it, it would crush me if we stopped being together. i want so save this relationship.)
i have a theory that this is all due to my partners illnesses. they have a dissociative disorder, and DID, and experience lots of pain due to weak joints. they also have a complicated family life, as their parents are currently hinting at divorce, and they are stressed about college and the future and so on.
so this is my question. I need to talk to them about this, but i have no idea what to say, because whenever i try to talk about how i feel, i go suddenly nonverbal. i can't type or write it because the same anxiety takes me over and i cant hand it to them.
I was hoping a script would help. if anyone knows where i can get help writing a script, can you please let me know? this has been a problem for quite some time and i would really really like to settle it. any help or advice is greatly appreciated.
*me and him speak about it regularly, and neither of us are sure what to do. he has offered to talk to them for me, but i declined because i didn't want him to complicate more things by adding a person in this issue- as in, if he tells my partner these things, now he is also a part of it all.
thanks for reading all the way though, and it's much appreciated. feel free to ask me any questions to clarify anything.
Hi - that's all a bit complicated - am I reading it correctly as a MFM poly relationship?
These relationships are always really tricky - for exactly the reasons you're talking about - one partner feeling they're getting the short end. If you think half of all marriages break down, then keeping a poly relationship together is much more complex.
There are all sorts of reasons why you should stay together or break up - but you have to ask yourself some hard questions - are your needs being met fully and are you being used for financial convenience, comfort and stability of the other person(s)?
Have you considered writing your feelings down so you can get them in order in your own head and then using that as the basis for the conversation? As sort of 'group meeting' where you can all recalibrate the relationship - keep it positive and not whiney. You say there's lots of other stuff going on the background - that can badly destabilise all the relationships around that - and only honest, clear and open communication can restabilise it.
Good luck with it all.
Thanks for reading all the way thru. i will try your idea of writing my emotions down and basing a script on that.