Published on 12, July, 2020
I am parent of a soon to be 38 year old male and quite honestly am close to a breakdown. He has no real friends, not one. He is high functioning Asperger's, able to hold a conversation, yet he fails to make any friendships. He joined meet up without success, if only he could make just one friend that would help.
When my son was diagnosed I asked what services there was like for instance support groups were he could meet new friends, there was no suitable ones. So what did mum do ?? Started a support group for autistic adults. It's been going 3 years, and after 2 years we are growing rapidly. My son attends but still hasn't made any friends who he meets outside of meetings. He does talk though and get on members though. My group is successful and members love it, but it still hasn't helped my son
Does anyone have any advice please ? He never really had any friends at school to carry friendships forward to adulthood. He says he is boring because he likes train travel, doesn't drink, doesn't like pubs, hates noisy places, doesn't like nightclubs. He would really love a girlfriend but not having much luck there either. He has lots of friends online, but none in this country. I try to tell my son there is someone out there for him, that not all women are party animals but he said if she's on his path she's either got lost or turned the other way
He has joined dating sites, but even meeting someone on them is hard. He meet one woman, was a gentleman and she said sorry your not for me, your too nice !!!! I mean what's that all about ?? she likes "Bad Boys" My son was brought up to respect women, he doesn't want one night stands, he wants to treat a woman right, wants a relationship that could lead to something serious.
He is seriously considering looking for a wife overseas because the females he speaks to like that he is respectful, wants to marry for life etc yet as hard as he tries no women in UK want him.
If you have got this far with my post congratulations, so sorry for all the moaning but it breaks my heart watching my son suffer
I am very confident, not always been mind you. He said "Mum I look at you and wish I could be confident like you, I wish I could give him some mine. He sees other people who are autistic with jobs, relationship's, living on their own, able to socialise and he says why can't that be me
If he's only ever been on one date it's not surprising he hasn't met anyone yet. Most people speak to numerous people at once and line up a few dates in a week. This doesn't work for me but I did used to have a rule that we had to go on our first date within a week of starting chatting then if we weren't right for each other I hadn't wasted too much time before I could move on. In regards to the 'too nice' comment, she probably didn't want to be honest and thought that would be a kinder comment. I suggest that he tries to see the dating as a way to get out of the house and practising his dating skills then if something comes from the meeting then all the better.
My husband meets most of my socialising needs and then I have a friend I met through work 10 years ago who I see a few times a year. That's enough social interaction for me. If he's lonely and isn't making friends any other way then maybe focusing on internet dating would be more suitable for now.