"No one in the world has a clue about me"

Hello ASD community!

I was diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder in January 2019, at the age of 40. Yes, it may seem astonishing. It's astonishing to me when I remember a GP asking "well, do you really need a diagnosis? I mean, you've got a job and a place to live"  (insert simmering rage here).

I'm working with a neuropsychologist at the moment, which...is nice. One thing I have found more and more though, is that when I'm talking to people, they just don't seem to have a CLUE.

It feels like NO ONE in the world understands me, NO ONE can communicate with me and have this "ping pong effect" whereby you're just going back and forth and brimming with enthusiasm due to an incredibly stimulating conversational exchange.

There's always this...          gap       ... between me and people who don't have autism.

I leave my house in the morning and go to work. The journey to work may involve a taxi (woeful lack of organisation and it takes me an extraordinary amount of time just to get out of the house) or the bus. If it's the bus, that's an opportunity to find other passengers excruciatingly irritating. Perhaps due to noisy conversation, taking up too much space and not being "fair" in the division of the seats into "my space" and "your space", other road users or pedestrians being dopey and causing problems for the bus I'm on, etc.

So imagine my surprise when I meet someone else with autism and it's just....BANG! TA-DAA! THIS GUY GETS IT! AND I GET IT! We got on like a house, on, fire. (For readers who have difficulty with figurative speech, "to get on like a house on fire" is an idiomatic phrasal verb which describes two or more people who interact very amiably and successfully).

This experience is so rare, so painfully rare, that I feel that the vast majority of people in the world don't have a clue about me, and I either don't have a clue about them, or I find their speech/actions/dress sense/TV habits/fill in as appropriate, so irritating that I feel my head will explode.

When I got the diagnosis, I was delighted. Now I am coming up against reminders of great difficulties I have due to autism.

Does anyone else feel like this? Have you felt like this in the past? Was it a one-off? Is it intermittent? What did you/do you do to reduce the associated stress?

Sincerely,

David

  • I feel that way too and it's why I joined the forum! I find that speaking to people here helps me feel less alone - it's good to know that other people go through similar experiences :) I've also started talking more with my friends and family about autism and how it makes me feel - they don't share the same experiences as me, but they're supportive and open to learning more. 

  • Hi David

    I was diagnosed at 42 - didn't have a clue beforehand - I measure and judge everyone and everything around me too.    I am compelled to operate at a higher level of honesty and integrity and am disappointed by all the normal people failing to meet my standards.

    I've only ever met one psychologist who properly understands my Asperger's.

    Since diagnosis, I've noticed that all my close friends are probably undiagnosed Aspies too.

    The more I understand myself, the more I can see how different I am.