an NT asking autistics what THEY want from us.....

Goatworshiper said:

I've learned to deal with touchy feely people (I some times work with Drama lovies (I hate them)) by telling them there touching the wrong part of me. That makes them feel uncomfortable and then the touchy feely stuff goes.

The behind the back thing I still struggle with. Because I'm a grump I make it known to people that if my life is made difficult, I will make others lives difficult, however I have stronger willpower than most. As harsh as this is it avoids a lot of confrontation and I get on with people better for letting it known I won't tolerate. 

Emmotional/Irrational stuff is odd. I don't mind people crying or being upset. I think it's people telling me how I feel about stuff I don't like. For instance people saying "you said x and therefore you feel y", and Im more of a x means x and y means y. I'am not very romantic, but that's because I'm not romantic, It doesn't mean I don't love you etc. 

My mum does my head in with emotional stuff. She refuses to accept objectivity. She fat and cries if a doctor says she's obese. Where I see obese as a clinical definition of someone who is overweight by a certain proportion. 

When/if I get a diagnosis I might start being open with people which might help some of this stuff.

i have to say i did giggle at your comment about your mum,

i understand your reasons and you have a valid point, but i also understand hers,

being told you are fat (to a fat person, or to a woman) is like being told you are worthless and usless, because usually YOU made you fat and most people know that, but most also dont like being made to feel THEY could have done something about it

also, you might have noticed, most nts dont really like 'the truth', for different reasons

many people cant handle the truth and objectivity of autism, sometimes even the autistic persons family and ESPECIALLY when its about them

you can try talking to her about it, ask her 'mum what is it that upsets you about this? do you want to be healthy? i will help you do that but i dont understand why you get upset when we talk about what it is that you need help with', listen to what she says about it (even if it seems irrational or like it doesnt make sense )

try to make it less personal and less her fault,speak about it to her like 'its a problem and we can change that' 

we nts respond better to facts and truth IF they come along with support, help and some nice things like 'i love you mum, i want you to be healthy, happy' etc

hehehe "touching the wrong part of me" at least it works for you

it is harsh, but i understand it, being with an autistic partner for 12 years ive learned to see things that way too, i can totally understand why you think that and if it works then again thats the point

the 'it doesnt mean i dont love you' i know that one well, i will just end on, i know, and i think many other people with autistic family and partners will know too, you will find someone who accepts that part

Goatworshiper said:

I've learned to deal with touchy feely people (I some times work with Drama lovies (I hate them)) by telling them there touching the wrong part of me. That makes them feel uncomfortable and then the touchy feely stuff goes.

The behind the back thing I still struggle with. Because I'm a grump I make it known to people that if my life is made difficult, I will make others lives difficult, however I have stronger willpower than most. As harsh as this is it avoids a lot of confrontation and I get on with people better for letting it known I won't tolerate. 

Emmotional/Irrational stuff is odd. I don't mind people crying or being upset. I think it's people telling me how I feel about stuff I don't like. For instance people saying "you said x and therefore you feel y", and Im more of a x means x and y means y. I'am not very romantic, but that's because I'm not romantic, It doesn't mean I don't love you etc. 

My mum does my head in with emotional stuff. She refuses to accept objectivity. She fat and cries if a doctor says she's obese. Where I see obese as a clinical definition of someone who is overweight by a certain proportion. 

When/if I get a diagnosis I might start being open with people which might help some of this stuff.

i have to say i did giggle at your comment about your mum,

i understand your reasons and you have a valid point, but i also understand hers,

being told you are fat (to a fat person, or to a woman) is like being told you are worthless and usless, because usually YOU made you fat and most people know that, but most also dont like being made to feel THEY could have done something about it

also, you might have noticed, most nts dont really like 'the truth', for different reasons

many people cant handle the truth and objectivity of autism, sometimes even the autistic persons family and ESPECIALLY when its about them

you can try talking to her about it, ask her 'mum what is it that upsets you about this? do you want to be healthy? i will help you do that but i dont understand why you get upset when we talk about what it is that you need help with', listen to what she says about it (even if it seems irrational or like it doesnt make sense )

try to make it less personal and less her fault,speak about it to her like 'its a problem and we can change that' 

we nts respond better to facts and truth IF they come along with support, help and some nice things like 'i love you mum, i want you to be healthy, happy' etc

hehehe "touching the wrong part of me" at least it works for you

it is harsh, but i understand it, being with an autistic partner for 12 years ive learned to see things that way too, i can totally understand why you think that and if it works then again thats the point

the 'it doesnt mean i dont love you' i know that one well, i will just end on, i know, and i think many other people with autistic family and partners will know too, you will find someone who accepts that part