Hello all.
Firstly a little about me. I went to my GP coming upto 15 months ago to say I think I may have high functioning autism after taking various online tests. The tests recommend going for an assesment to find out whether or not I am/am not on the spectrum. It was nerve wracking for me to even ask about an assesment as I didn't want my GP thinking I'm going mad but I felt like I needed to know.
I am now at a point where I am still awaiting a date for a screening appointment but the thing that worries me is if I go for my appointment and they say I'm not on the spectrum and then I will feel like I have wasted time and money for the NHS. On the other hand if I don't have it I will always be wondering if I am or I'm not.
I only thought about the possibility I maybe on it after a couple of family members mentioned that I remind them of someone they know who is on the spectrum. So the more I read up about it the more I realised my similar traits and troubles through life. The thing that worries me is that although I scored very very high on the AQ test and various other tests is that I don't seem to tick every exact box that everyone else does so I have doubts?
A few of my traits are...
Obsessing over things for instance like reading up about autism since I thought I may have it, computer games playing too much, really hyper focusing on any particular course at college until it has sunk in even when being accused of spending too much time sat at the table revising for hours and hours as I need to digest the information.
Hate change at work feel panicky/nervous when my routine is changed. Starting a new job where I have nearly had a breakdown and been for cognitive behavioral therapy twice over the years.
Being told I suffer with social anxiety in the past and always thinking about things too much and worrying about possible outcomes. Thinking too deeply about things and possible outcomes.
Cuddles don't come natural to me as I hate being touched. Any sharp sound makes me jump sometimes to the extreme my eyes can wobble side to side and feel like my eardrums are going to blow up. Put tissue in my ears to numb sound around the family from time to time as I can feel stressed and anxious with too much noise.
Don't always get jokes have to pretend to laugh so others don't think I'm thick and then for the next 5-10 minutes I'm trying to get the joke in my own time away from everyone.
Always feel like I have a slow brain when it comes to processing instructions, or someone saying something to me off guard and not knowing how to reply for a few seconds or not at all.
I really enjoy maths and computers and was in the chess club at school.
Always get told off the wife "where's the romance" as it doesn't come natural to me. Being told that I'm shouting when I feel like I'm just talking.
I go into like a shutdown state where I won't speak for a while because I feel like I'm exhausted and it could be due to either an argument or social gathering. My brain can feel like a control panel that can't take anymore information and sparks are coming off it.
Being told to shut up about a particular subject because I'm going on and on.
I have a collection of coins (not worth anything) and collect various other objects/things at times through my life and then store it away.
Have tendencies to switch off/lose concentration during activities. Cannot multi-task and can get frustrated.
Not the best listener as I'm always thinking about what I want to say next rather than bother with what the other person is saying.
Always think I'm right. If someone does manage to prove me wrong then I get angry with my own found source of mis-information.
Wife says I'm controlling and selfish even though I consider myself a really nice person.
Things that make me think I may not be on the spectrum are...
I don't have a high end job like an Engineer, Teacher, Doctor etc.
I've held a job for half of my life.
I don't know precise facts about the typical trains, planes, animals etc.
I don't have a degree.
I don't feel like I am rude to people and say the wrong things.
I don't always take things literally.
I don't feel like I have the best memory in the world. Only certain things will stick and that's if it interests me.
I don't know whether to carry on the waiting list? or cancel for fear of wasting time for people who maybe more needing an outcome than myself, and then feeling embarrassed that I went in the first place if I get told I am perfectly neuro typical.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation with their thoughts?
