Self Confidence + Confusion

Hi 61575,

I just wanted to look in and say welcome.

I have a lot of identification with the things you talk about.  I wasn't diagnosed until 2015, aged 56, and up until then I'd lived pretty much as you say: feeling alienated (as opposed to alienating myself), feeling unhappy about myself as a human being, feeling confused and - from my 30s onwards - suffering bouts of depression. I simply had no idea what was wrong with me.  Now, at least - at this late stage of my life - I have some answers.  I still find myself ending up on the periphery of things in social situations, but I've learned a few tricks and some coping mechanisms along the way.

I, too, did martial arts for a few years.  I only stopped in the end because we had a change of instructor, who was much more 'macho' in his approach and much less interested in the spiritual side of the discipline.  I did Bujin-kai karate, reaching 7th kyu - two gradings away from going for my first dan.  I hugely enjoyed the discipline of learning the moves for katas.  I was less good at sparring, where everything I'd had drilled into my head seemed to go out of it!  My katas were technically good, with real flow to them.  But when I was sparring, I was like an awkward, clumsy fool.  I'm not sure why this should be.  Partly, though, I wonder if it was about my frame of mind.  I'm not a violent person, and therefore I just felt 'wrong' in confrontation situations like that.  I wanted to learn the discipline to be able to take care of myself if attacked, and for self-confidence.  But my fighting technique always let me down.  I think, after almost four years, I was beginning to get somewhere, though.  But, as I said, our instructor - who was very good, and whom I looked up to - left, and I didn't get on with his replacement.

Maybe low self-esteem is at the heart of the problem you mention.  If so, I would only encourage you to carry on with the discipline.  Eighteen months is still quite a short amount of time in terms of these arts.  It may take several years before things finally begin to 'click'.  As you go up the gradings, too, your self-confidence will increase.  One of the reasons I chose it is because I'd never enjoyed team sports and always preferred things where I could develop under my own steam: distance running, cycling, swimming.  Karate seemed to be an ideal combination of that self-development and in a social atmosphere, where you are the one who is essentially in control.  I was inspired a lot by watching the old 'Kung Fu' TV series, which was on when I was growing up in the '70s.  I also liked the spiritual/philosophical aspect of the discipline.  This is so essential, in my mind, yet often seems to get overlooked in some of the classes.

Again, keep going with it.  Improvement will come.  And if you have an instructor who is inspirational, and whom you can look up to, so much the better.

Hi 61575,

I just wanted to look in and say welcome.

I have a lot of identification with the things you talk about.  I wasn't diagnosed until 2015, aged 56, and up until then I'd lived pretty much as you say: feeling alienated (as opposed to alienating myself), feeling unhappy about myself as a human being, feeling confused and - from my 30s onwards - suffering bouts of depression. I simply had no idea what was wrong with me.  Now, at least - at this late stage of my life - I have some answers.  I still find myself ending up on the periphery of things in social situations, but I've learned a few tricks and some coping mechanisms along the way.

I, too, did martial arts for a few years.  I only stopped in the end because we had a change of instructor, who was much more 'macho' in his approach and much less interested in the spiritual side of the discipline.  I did Bujin-kai karate, reaching 7th kyu - two gradings away from going for my first dan.  I hugely enjoyed the discipline of learning the moves for katas.  I was less good at sparring, where everything I'd had drilled into my head seemed to go out of it!  My katas were technically good, with real flow to them.  But when I was sparring, I was like an awkward, clumsy fool.  I'm not sure why this should be.  Partly, though, I wonder if it was about my frame of mind.  I'm not a violent person, and therefore I just felt 'wrong' in confrontation situations like that.  I wanted to learn the discipline to be able to take care of myself if attacked, and for self-confidence.  But my fighting technique always let me down.  I think, after almost four years, I was beginning to get somewhere, though.  But, as I said, our instructor - who was very good, and whom I looked up to - left, and I didn't get on with his replacement.

Maybe low self-esteem is at the heart of the problem you mention.  If so, I would only encourage you to carry on with the discipline.  Eighteen months is still quite a short amount of time in terms of these arts.  It may take several years before things finally begin to 'click'.  As you go up the gradings, too, your self-confidence will increase.  One of the reasons I chose it is because I'd never enjoyed team sports and always preferred things where I could develop under my own steam: distance running, cycling, swimming.  Karate seemed to be an ideal combination of that self-development and in a social atmosphere, where you are the one who is essentially in control.  I was inspired a lot by watching the old 'Kung Fu' TV series, which was on when I was growing up in the '70s.  I also liked the spiritual/philosophical aspect of the discipline.  This is so essential, in my mind, yet often seems to get overlooked in some of the classes.

Again, keep going with it.  Improvement will come.  And if you have an instructor who is inspirational, and whom you can look up to, so much the better.