So, I managed to get along to the much anticipated monthly Aspergers/HFASD social group in my town this evening. The group itself was not really for me to be honest, largely due the the fact that I was the only female there. I don't of course have any issue with men it's just that men and women relate to each other in different ways and it would have been nice if the group had had a few other women that I could talk with. However, while I was there, one of the support workers who works there popped her head in the room an hour into the meeting and asked if she could have a chat with me in another room. She said that when woman do turn up to the group she had been asking them if they have considered starting up a facebook group for women with Aspergers/ASD in the local area with a view to facilitate social meet ups, as this was a much needed service as many women, like myself didn't feel that the 'official' social group was their cup of tea. She'd had no joy prior to me but I was happily able to say, well actually I have been planning to do exactly that and already have half of the planning for it done on my laptop. I'm so excited that I've decided to bite the bullet and get the group up and running tonight and tomorrow as not only will this create a useful resource for myself but it is clearly a much needed resource for other omen with Aspergers/ASD in my area. It was such a happy coincidence to have met that support worker this evening and it really gave me a lot more motivation and encouragement to just ignore my fears and just go for it with regards setting up the online group. A productive evening!
That’s great news Kitsun. It’s funny though, because even though I’m female, I wouldn’t go to a group with only women and while I have started to talk to the women at my group, I always sit with the guys and I’ve only ever met with the guys outside of the meeting. I’ve rarely had female friends as I don’t relate to women in the same way as I do men. I make friends easily with men but I don’t really have much time for women.
But I'm thrilled for you. One of the things I love about my group is that we go out once a month for something to eat and we’re kind of starting with monthly activities as well although I love our weekly group as well. It sounds like you’ll set up a similar thing for you and your new friends ~ I know you’ll attract them. Just stick with it,if it feels a bit slow at first, not that it will but if it does, give it time.
The great thing is though that you faced your fears and that means, you can do that again, when needs be.
Best wishes to your new group. That’s one more opening for autistic people to get together :)
Sounds like great news. Hope the social group turns out well!
Just wanted to say that I'm like this too but the other way round - as a man, I find that in a mixed group I'd much rather talk to the women than the men!
This isn't just due to the fact that I can't bear traditional "blokieness" & men's attitudes to women (& femininity in men) that still sadly prevail, but also that I feel the company of *most* men disconcerting and anxiety-provoking. In contrast, I find the presence of *most* women soothing most of the time. There are obviously exceptions to both of these statements :-).
Well done Kitsun :) I'd like to go to a local group myself but it'll probably a few months before I can build up the courage to go
Yeah, I can’t stand all that touchy feely nicey nicey stuff that women tend to do. I like the more blunt, straight talk that men tend to do. I think women are more friendly, but as I’ve never been in the business of collecting friendships, that side of women never appealed to me and I don’t like how they’re all supportive and caring etc, that just makes me want to puke and I start saying outrageous things.
I’m more in touch with my masculine side while you’re most likely more in touch with your feminine side. We are all made up of both aspects and I’m sure, like me, you can hang out with guys as well, but you’re more suited to the presence of females.
Usually I do find men easier and less complicated than women but I don't have any difficulty talking with Aspie/Autistic women. I used to have a lot of male friends when I was in my late teens and early 20's, as I do generally find men easier to get on with, but they always used to get the wrong idea and start trying it on with me so I decided to just stick to being friends with women. I think unfortunately when I'm friends with guys, I manage to unintentionally give the impression that I fancy them, when I don't. So I figured that it was less hassle to stop making male friends.
I think another reason that the group made me feel a bit out of my comfort zone was that I can be a bit uptight but if I'm truely honest with myself, the way some of the guys were being, a bit loud and a bit inappropriate, I have that side to me too, I just try to keep a lid on it, I guess maybe I'm worried that if I were to start attending the group each month that it might unleash the beast within, so to speak!
The good news is that my own facebook group for women in my area went live today, I already have a few members and my vision for this group is that it can be used as a platform for members to get together socially as well as chat online. So I'm going to start trying to arrange get togethers that people can attend if they wish once a month/fortnight, depending on people's needs and response. I'm feeling really positive about it all :-)
How's your group going?
Thank you. How are you doing post diagnosis?
Thank you. I've been making myself conquer/ignore my social anxiety since last summer and just do stuff! it seems to be paying off :-) I hope you can find the courage to go to your local group.
Ah but the fabulous thing about fellow Aspie/Autistic women is that they don't tend to do the touchy feely nicey nicey stuff as they can't stand it either :-) I think I'm a good balance though of being in touch with both my feminine and masculine side. Also, I've done the few years completely withdrawing from everyone socially phase, that was my chrysalis stage now I'm doing the butterfly stage :-)
Is that with regards to neurotypical men/women or fellow ASD men/women?