Went to first Aspergers and High functioning Autism Social Group this evening

Sort of although never do things just happen and always do they happen because of choices we have already made. We live in a world of cause and effect. Everything that happens has a cause. So you can make the best of things or you can find the cause and change things at that level so they never happen again and then commit to creating only good things in your life. But certainly we must accept things as they are otherwise we are arguing with reality but we can still change the future. 

Yeah I think I hear what you're saying. Sometimes things happen that may not be what we would have chosen to happen, but rather than stewing on it, it's better, if we are able to, to make the best of that situation. I think that's something that I already try to do.

I’m not always reflective or even if I am I still have many many blind spots, that’s why I need the regular, weekly, close support of a support worker. 

But yeah, definitely, ‘struggle’ is a choice but we don’t always realise that. For example, my sleep pattern is all over the place at the minute, so I can either ‘struggle’ when it’s 3 in the morning and I’m still not asleep, or I can say, well I’m awake, it might not be my first choice of how to be at this time in a morning but this is how it is, how can I make the best of it? It takes practice and patience but over a relatively short space of time, you can definitely learn to not struggle :) 

Thank you BlueRay. You're a very reflective person, more so than I am. I like the idea of being able to choose not to struggle, to be able to experience an experience without struggling so I'm going to go and contemplate how to achieve that, probably for far too long!

I'm really pleased that you seem to be settling into the group a bit better. Hopefully it will transpire to be a valuable resource for you.

I seem to get on better with the older members - they seem to be more comfortable with who they are - the younger ones seem to be still trying to figure out who they want to be.

I feel more comfortable with knowlegdeable people are happy to chat about stuff, life, the universe and everything. If they're nerdy and into tech then more the better. 

All Christians, at least good ones, meditate, only they usually call it prayer. It’s the same thing. Communion with your maker. 

All effects, problems, or whatever you want to call them, have the same single cause ~ a belief in seperation, that we are separate from our maker. 

Everything ‘is’ ok, there is no such thing as a ‘bad’ day, unless you say it is. A day is a day is a day. If you say it’s a bad day, then so it is but if you care to look a little deeper, you’ll find there is no such thing as a bad day. And of course it doesn’t make the struggling any better, only stopping struggling will make that better. Stop struggling. It’s not obligatory, it’s optional. You can experience the experience through struggling or you can experience it without struggling. I know which I prefer. But it’s a choice we all have to make and I understand some people like struggling. So if you do, carry on, but if not, just stop. 

I'm really glad that you had a nice time at the club. It sounds like you made progress interacting with the other people there?

My Brain Injury was sudden too. I always think that an acute event is harder to come to terms with than an expected event, precisely because it is unexpected.

I know what you mean about not remembering names, I am absolutely terrible with names!

I'm back from (Mad Club) - had a nice time playing Uno & Connect 4 and learning about D&D. 

My brain continually lets me down in many ways - even down to coordination & fine-motor skills (I build large model boats and I can't do the small details like I used to).   My injury happened overnight so there's a huge step change (downwards) in my abilities - not a gradual decline from aging - and it's always frustrating - and will never get better.

One of the biggest annoyances is not being able to recognise people any more - even those I've known for 20 years.   I spent the afternoon with a bunch of people and I can't remember their names.

The only thing that I can say, and I know it’s a cliche, is that it does get easier to deal with, with time. You’ll never reconcile with it fully but if won’t bother you as much as it does now. This is a massive difference with those with and without ASD. I know other women who have ABI who are still pretty high functioning with it, who can just pass it off as ‘I’m just not as smart as I used to be’. But I can’t because I have to research the workings of my new brain in depth, I have to understand every single symptom at an advanced level, I have to analyse everything and I will never stop striving to be as close to the old me as possible, because I’m still a perfectionist and I have to constantly try to achieve better. Incidentally I did read some where a while back that having Aspergers can actually help with recovery from brain injury, it’s probably the absolute perfectionism, the inability to accept a sub standard level of self functioning and to constantly strive to do better.

It was early 2013 - I can't get over it because I know all of my previous capabilities and remember all the things I used to know - that I either can't remember or can't do any more (I have the index but the chapters have been ripped out).   My brain continually lets me down in new and surprising ways so I keep being reminded of how useless the remaining brain is.  They say I only had a 10% chance of survival back then and I still alternate between being glad to be alive and suicidal with the limited function I'm left with.   (I have CFS too as a result so I sleep a lot more than normal people).  I suppose I'm grieving too for the loss.

I still have capabilities way in excess of normal people but it's a huge drop from my previous life.

What you’re describing really really resonates. How long ago did you have your meningitis? I had my brain injury 12 years ago this month and I will never be fully reconciled with it. I preferred my old brain, it was much better! Don’t get me wrong, I’m long past the horrible raw grief phase, of having to let go of what I was. For a couple of years following my brain injury I felt my brain was like an alien creature planted inside my skull, an alien creature that I had to get to know and accept was me. It’s weird, since being diagnosed with Aspergers it’s actually triggered a bit of a resurgence of the grieving that I experienced in the first couple of years post abi, because now I fully realise what I lost! I can’t get to know my Aspergers in it’s pure form, it’s been contaminated!

Yes - I think they're all unsure of the social rules too.

Re: memory - I read technical documents that I published as a CEng and I don't recognise that person - my language is much more child-like now with a smaller vocabulary and my spelling is atrocious (which bugs me as it used to be perfect).  I'm impressed with who I used to be and disgusted with what I am now.

Sorry to hear about the meningitis, that sounds scary! Mine was due to an RTA. I can totally relate to being taken down to what is considered ‘normal’, I feel the same. It’s annoying though, I’ve found,  losing the ‘good’ traits of superior IQ, memory and organisational skills!

Regarding the group. Maybe they don’t really know what the rules are either? Everyone is probably feeling a bit unsure and socially anxious. Try to take comfort from the fact that you’re all in the same boat, even if it’s not obvious 

I had a brain injury too - Meningitis - so it's damaged my memory.  Luckily, I used to have an eidetic memory like Sheldon Cooper so the damage has taken me down to what NTs would consider 'normal'. 

It's tricky trying to work out what people are into - they don't give much away.  They have some games there but I've not seen them before so I'm sitting on the outside working out the rules.

Ah brilliant! Good to hear you’re going again, hope you enjoy it. I guess that Aspergers and Autism Spectrum Disorder in Genet covers an extremely wide range of abilities. I used to be ultra nerdy and ridiculously high functioning before I havd a brain injury to contend with too, these days I’m not quite as nerdy and not quite as high functioning but still on the spectrum. It can be difficult to commicate at an Aspergers Group, I found to begin with, people didn’t answer when I said hello, at the one I went to, they had games out such as uno etc, if this is the case at yours maybe ask if someone wants to play a card game with you, to break the ice, or take a pack of cards if they don’t have any there?

I'm going again this afternoon.  The thing that surprised me most was I thought Asperger's people were just like me - ultra-nerdy and high-functioning and mostly passing as 'normal' - but this group has a wide range of abilities so it's thrown me slightly - I'm having to work hard to communicate with everyone and I'm not sure where I stand with them.  I suppose it must be how NTs feel when they get to know people like me.

It’s good isn’t it, not feeling like you have to hide yourself when you’re with your own kind?Yes lots of eye contact avoidance and conversation avoidance at the one I went to as well, though everyone livened up as the evening went on. I’m getting a female group up and running in my area but I’ll probably go to the ‘official’ local one again too. Are you going to keep going to the group you’ve joined?

I've joined an Aspie group too.  There's a huge variety of abilities and some have more difficulties than others with the whole social thing.   I've never been to a group before where they are all 'like me'.    There's a lot of phone-staring and eye-contact avoiding going on - but I suppose all being in the same room is a start..

Thank you BlueRay, I'm lucky that I'm quite a reflective person and at 38 I know myself a lot better than I did when I was younger, so I usually can recognise what I feel and what's causing it, sometimes after a few days of refection but I get there in the end :-) My personal stance when I'm experiencing negative things is to reflect on them a lot to work out why I am feeling it, what has caused it etc and once I have worked all that out then I can usually turn a negative around into a positive by using my reflections to make positive change.

Your advice regarding meditation is good, especially given that, as you say, our minds are very active. I've considered meditation on many occasions but I've always shied away from it as I know some people who believe that it's not in line with Christian Theology, what are your thoughts on that?

I know that everything will be ok and sometimes we have to go through bad times in order to come out the other side a better, stronger person, it doesn't make the struggling phase any better though. Finding self soothing activities is a good idea, I really like making jewellery and I've been doing more of that lately. Yeah I feel like I've developed so much in the past 12 months!

Thank you again for taking the time to respond, it really has helped :-)