Advice needed please!

Just need some advice really.

My youngest son who is 7 has just had a full  OT assessment which shows he covers all aspects of sensory processing disorder and dyspraxia. His speech and language therapist has sent his details off for a diagnosis with an autism panel. They think he fit's somewhere on the spectrum.
My son has a lot of issues, he screams, tantrums, gets aggressive. He has social and communication difficulties and after school alot of this behaviour starts and when we are going out.

The OT which I am paying for because we can't get it on the NHS where we live is making me feel like its all my fault, she said he has learned these behaviours to deal with his issues and that he is manipulating me and she told me i need to grow a pair of balls and give him tough love.

What she doesn't see is me being constant and not giving in and when I tell her the smells, noise etc are still setting his behaviours off she just keeps saying BEHAVIOUR and that I need to give "tough love". 

And when I said after the sessions he is like this too she says the same thing! Even though in her words "we create the monster before it gets better".

I really don't know what to think!

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