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Help please, advice needed on unwanted contact from work colleague

ParaTed

Hi, 

I am really desperate for some advice and help.

It is super complex and long, but I will try shorten it. 

I have recently put in a complaint about someone I work with very closely, we had become what I thought was good friends. He began to get verbally forceful with me when I would tell him I couldn’t meet up with him etc, we had planned a trip to France with a small group of friends but I was unwell and couldn’t make it. He began to threaten me and when I asked him to stop communicating with me he advised me ‘I will never stop, this isn’t going to stop’ I blocked him number and he contacted me on Facebook and via email. A work colleague advised him he needed to stop and he has. 

This has not been an issue since (maybe a month or so) but he has been off sick and is due to return shortly. Work have advised me there is nothing they can do unless I make a formal complaint. Which I have, all I have asked is that we no longer work so closely together. They have seen a sample of messages he sent and have raised concerns that is is more of a criminal matter (stalking possibly?) than a work matter. They feel work wise he has done nothing wrong and unless I now report the issue to the police they can not do anything further. 

My union rep has been involved and had originally seen the messages included in the complaint. I have this week sent him our entire text history (3000 pages on word!) as he has asked to go through them. He now thinks I have been dishonest about my colleagues behaviour and selected messages to make him look bad. He expressed his concerns that inbetween my colleagues controlling behaviour etc I am communicating with him normally and even have arranged to meet up with him. 

This is because I was concerned about our working relationship in the future and I wanted to maintain some level of friendship going forward, including our trip to France. 

What can I do? What should I do? Is there a term used to describe my behaviour? Specifically returning to talk to him after he had demonstrated threatening behaviour. I feel completely broken and I’m worried everyone thinks I’m a fraud now. He has genuinely caused me huge amounts of distress and upset over the last 12 months, and I would resign before I could work alongside him again.  

Parents

  • Hi

    Id need to know more about what 'verbally forceful' entails and what threats were used to give you a more accurate answer. 

    However, if the union Rep has seen the full evidence and believes it is more of a communication issue than a police matter, then that is probably right - regarding past events. I've done a lot of work with trade unions and they will have your best interests at heart - presumably as well as his.

    The problem you have is a case of mixed messages within the evidence- he's made you upset yet you have continued to talk to him. So while it could potentially have been a police matter with regards to threats, with the evidence at hand, the police will throw it out - it can't be prosecuted as stalking or threats if the defendant has right to believe there is no problem.

    Going forward though, if you tell him how he has made you feel and then don't talk to him again - and he keeps sending you abuse then there would be evidence to prosecute on - if that were necessary. 

    I don't know about your friendship or how long it's been (if you were planning a trip away then I'm guessing it must be quite strong), then it's also worth considering whether it's worth police action or whether this is appropriate for the situation. Can you not just block his number and social media and avoid him?

Reply

  • Hi

    Id need to know more about what 'verbally forceful' entails and what threats were used to give you a more accurate answer. 

    However, if the union Rep has seen the full evidence and believes it is more of a communication issue than a police matter, then that is probably right - regarding past events. I've done a lot of work with trade unions and they will have your best interests at heart - presumably as well as his.

    The problem you have is a case of mixed messages within the evidence- he's made you upset yet you have continued to talk to him. So while it could potentially have been a police matter with regards to threats, with the evidence at hand, the police will throw it out - it can't be prosecuted as stalking or threats if the defendant has right to believe there is no problem.

    Going forward though, if you tell him how he has made you feel and then don't talk to him again - and he keeps sending you abuse then there would be evidence to prosecute on - if that were necessary. 

    I don't know about your friendship or how long it's been (if you were planning a trip away then I'm guessing it must be quite strong), then it's also worth considering whether it's worth police action or whether this is appropriate for the situation. Can you not just block his number and social media and avoid him?

Children
  • in reply to Uncertain

    Hello, thank you so much for your reply. My union rep has now read more of our conversation/ texts and has come to the conclusion I should contact the police. As I’ve said in my response to someone else that doesn’t seem like an easy  route. 

    With verbally forceful I was referring to threats to speak to people about things he knew about my personality and history, things I. Don’t want people to know.   Saying if I didn’t see him at certain times he would call me names and a liar and make out I was a horrible person to him.