how can can I make meal times with my 4 year old son less stressful?

I know the worst thing is her sister copies her (just over a year between them)  so for ages the younger one didn't get as many vegetables as she should but now the baby is eating them at least the younger two get them, I end up cooking different meals albeit variants of the same like with casserole I do the veg in a different dish

I do the same but the opposite way round. I eat the best bits first so I can enjoy them before I get full. The order never varies. It's always the same unless there is an extra type of food on the plate.

I have up on being a grown up. I don't often like the veg in a restaurant so I just choose the bits I like.

I assess a plate of food to decide the correct order of eating it - it depends on which part I like most - that will be last so the best taste stays in my mouth after the meal is finished.

I eat the stuff I'm not bothered about first but continually re-assess the remaining volume in case I could become full and might not be able to manage the best bits. That would be a disaster.

Roast dinners are a challenge - so much I don't care about to clear first to save the roast potatoes and meat for last.

Going to a carvery is a quandry - do I just choose the bits I like or should I be a grown-up and eat the veg too?

I have improved with my liking of separate thing. Everything used to be separate. As a child I had everything in bowls so the foods couldnt 'contaminate' each other. I will now eat some foods together like meat and potato. This is a recent development, I used to eat them separately. Vegetable still has to be separate. And I won't have sauce of any kind on my food. One of my friends always laughs because I always eat things like roast dinners in the same order.

I don't like mixing foods unless they are "expected to be mixed" foods.  I like my different things to be separate on my plate.  I pick a thing and eat that, then move on to the next, then the next, ...

I would definitely keep it separate if you did try it. I would still freak out if someone put something on my pasta. I wouldn't wipe it off, I just wouldn't eat it. I do eat veg, but it's very limited, peas and brocolli only. Maybe leave it a little while with no veg and see how his eating developed. As a child I went through stages where I would only eat one type of food for weeks.

If you are worried about vitamin deficiency I recommend abidec kids vitamins it is a liquid that is easily put in a drink it just boosts the main things they don't get it is what Dr's recommended for us 

Some days we eat together, but not all. I usually try to focus on making sure his sister is ok feeding herself so the attention isn’t too much on him. But he does tend to muck about. Get up from table, go under table etc, possibly attention seeking or perhaps to avoid eating... i’m not sure. 

Thanks, yes I have thought of blending veg etc. Unfortunately he’s not so keen on soup at the moment. And on pasta he might try to wipe it off. But maybe that will change. 

I take your point about trying it again in the future. Thank you!

Ok thanks, that’s reassuring... who knew getting your child to eat would be so tricky!

Thanks! Sounds like you might need a bread maker lol!

He used to like soup, but not so much now unfortunately. I did consider blending some veg to make a pasta sauce, but I imagine he’d only end up eating a very small amount of it or would try to wipe it off the pasta!

He’s not overtired, but good to know to watch out for iron deficiency.

thanks!

Thanks very much! I appreciate you taking the time.

Do you all eat together or does he eat while you watch and get impatient?

I've always been a really fussy eater. I generally would say let him be if he is eating a bit of a range. It is really stressful having to eat things you really don't like. You can always try reintroducing it later in life if his diet improves a bit. At least he eats fruit. My only other suggestion would be if the problem with veg is the texture not the taste then could you blend it up so it is soft?

My daughter is similar to this she has improved slightly but still has a very restricted diet mostly beige food and no veg tried everything to get her to eat them! She has thrown plates and made herself sick to avoid them. However the doctors and school nurses are not concerned at all as long as she is eating so I wouldn't worry to much as long as they are eating and drinking

I would say let him be. Don’t make mealtimes stressful.

Fruit, meat and milk is enough. 

Does he like soup? 

My older son has extremely limited diet.

He eats: milk chocolate, toast and butter, Philadelphia cheese, marmite and plain or chocolate covered biscuits. He drinks tap water only. That’s it. He is 11. He eats half of the bread loaf for lunch at school, the other half is for breakfast and dinner. He never ate meat, fruit or veg in his life. Never ate hot dinner. 

My younger one is very picky eater and doesn’t eat any vegetables or pasta but loves fruit and meat. He is perfectly fine.

My older one (when he was about 4) had a period of being extremely tired and GP referred as to dietician but she said not to worry too much (his weight and height was ok). We did a blood test and it turned out he had iron deficiency. Since then he gets vitamin supplements (with iron) But since yours eats meat and fruit I wouldn’t worry about it (unless he’s extremely tired all the time)

Both of my boys are healthy and my only concern is now that my older one is often hungry (how many bread will he end up eating?♀️)

We always made mealtimes fun - no forcing to eat it all - the rule was eat the good bits, stop when you've had enough.

I used to make Jenga towers with chips, Tetris shapes from toast, patterns with toppings on pizza etc. Some kids seem to hate veg but we didn't force anything - just try lots of options. We found tinned fruit and veg better because of the softer texture. We used to have dipping gravy with everything.

Don't sweat it and don't make a battle or punishment out of meal times or you're handing ammunition to him to mess you around.

Some kids eat nothing but cheese - they survive ok.

Their appetite and tastes change a lot when they're at school trying to copy their peers.