Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
so today isn't a good day for my family! ( ok more so me ) last Tuesday we had a verbal diagnoses that my 15 year old daughter is on the spectrum but we would still have to wait for the formal diagnoses which is starting to feel like a eternity.
The paediatrician that we saw said quite openly to my daughter that being autistic isn't a bad thing and that she should be more open about the whole thing and tell people she is autistic, we have always known there was something not fitting well with our daughter but because she is also a very behind academically we have constantly been battling with school and doctors who have also maintained its just down to her learning because she is quiet in school and like Satan when she gets home!!
so back to today, i have been doing her room out for her the way she wanted it ( advise from the ot ) and i went off with a million questions about anything and everything to find my daughter stood behind me crying because she felt pressure .
I understand i should be giving clear instructions etc but i am also starting to feel she isn't coping well with what her doctor said to her. i think we are both a little lost in the system that we know nothing about.
Should i be helping my daughter get her head around all of this or is this something she will deal with in her own time? That being said my daughter also will not leave the house unless we make plans as a family. Any suggestions would be so gratefully appreciated
Hi Loulabelle! It's not surprising that you and your daughter are finding this time stressful, especially as she is struggling in other areas (often the case in girls, as autism often isn't diagnosed at all until we can't keep up with 'pretending to be normal' at school any more and spiral into a full breakdown). "quiet in school and like Satan when she gets home!!" is a very common story too; all that pressure of having to consciously micromanage your entire body and mind in order to make successful social interactions has to be released somewhere and home is the safe place in which to do so. Very normal.
When I was first diagnosed my mum and I did a lot of research together. We found this book very useful, it is also available as a PDF.
http://autismforthvalley.co.uk/files/5314/4595/7798/Attwood-Tony-The-Complete-Guide-to-Aspergers-Syndrome.pdf
There is also a video here by the same person with a specific focus on autistic girls which is well worth watching, rings very true and quite insightful!;
https://vimeo.com/122940958Doing such research, and going out and reading some blogs, etc. by autistic women, might help her to feel less alone in her diagnosis (we are out there; a lot of us!) and also to find strategies that work for other people and so might for her. Having your support through that will, as ElephantInTheRoom says, really help her process it all and reassure her. You might need to go more slowly on the bedroom; she is definitely already quite overwhelmed. Take it at her pace. x
Hi emma, thank you very much for your advice. i will check out the video now. x