Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I’m just looking for some advice. My Sons girlfriend has autism with seizures and lives at home she is in her early 20’s. I don’t fully understand the situation but she is fairly capable in day to day life, stays at ours at the weekend and she communicates at a good level. However tonight she was distraught and was very upset on the phone because her family do not like my son and they keep having a go at her and my son over the relationship. On several occasions she has been threatened with being sent in to care and today they told her if she leaves she’s not coming back. She was also slapped by her mother. My son is very upset by the situation so has not helped himself by getting into arguments with the family. They believe it is my son who is the problem as they think he doesn’t treat her very well and he argues with them and also because it is ruining her routine which is the reason for her outbursts. The daughter says it is because they just keep picking on her all the time. On speaking with the mother this evening she said she only slapped her to stop a seizure and that speaking forcefully to her is the way she has been trained to deal with her, she isn’t allowed to talk as they say she is arguing and if she says anything they make her apologise with threats of care (I heard this myself). I guess I just need to know if this is how you are supposed to treat people with autism as I know a different approach needs to be taken. I really want to help by knowing a little bit more so we can give her some routine when she is here and support the family if this is the correct way. Thanks
No. Slapping isn't how you're supposed to deal with people with autism, regardless of what the girl's mother says or does.
You should probably trust your own instincts in this situation as I find it very difficult to believe the girl's mother's version of things from what you've said here. There's no way in hell any training she took part in re. autism included slapping as a technique. The mother also appears to be confusing "speaking forcefully" with 'making threats'.
The girl (woman actually if she is in her 20's) will need routine but that doesn't have to be regimented and it doesn't mean that changes can't be introduced gradually - especially changes she herself wants to make. Autism itself doesn't cause seizures but some people with autism also have epilepsy, which of course does cause seizures. I don't know much at all about epilepsy, but i seriously doubt that slapping is a technique for dealing with that either. Can the girl / woman herself tell you what techniques she prefers to help her to cope with stress and seizures?
I totally agree. I think that the "seizure" thing may be the mother confusing or miscommunicating overload. The mother sounds like a bit of a ***, those are threats. Threatening to put her in care must be terrifying. The bigger question is as the OP knows the girl better do they think she is being mistreated. She sounds pretty high-functioning and aware. Being put in care sounds like a whip-hand tactic. As for slapping someone who's having a "seizure" or overload it would only make matters worse, also imagine the anxiety it causes when anxiety starts. It's a ridiculous paradox, like one of those *** parents who say "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you a slap" in the supermarket. The mom sounds like a pig.
The mother could be arrested and reported to social services for not only verbal abuse but also physical abuse. Sickening behaviour. Its hard enough being on the spectrum as it is without having people like that around you!