.

Cassandro said:

dependent on the outside world for everything

Are we....yes, there are many things we depend on...

at the end of the day, we have ourselves, or what is left for us to enjoy of it.  it is up to us to nurture and protect it as best we can.

Cassandro said:

We're fragile creatures of flesh and blood with little sense or wit

Witness the scenes of angry parents, bawling kids, fights breaking out - because people (some of whom had queued for four hours!) were being turned away from 'Build-a-Bear' stores after they offered £52 bears discounted to the price of the age of one's child.  Seems like some of the children were at least 37!  Crazy, crazy, crazy world....

(Thanks Doing my best!)

Well done on staying on the wagon, Tom. Good that you're alert to your attempts to deceive yourself and the positive consequences of not drinkingstaying sober. Bibliotherapy for anxiety?

Obligatory pointless contribution to thread: Everyone's vulnerable. We're fragile creatures of flesh and blood with little sense or wit, dependent on the outside world for everything and venturing trust because there's no alternative.

“I've never been lonely. I've been in a room -- I've felt suicidal. I've been depressed. I've felt awful -- awful beyond all -- but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me...or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I've never been bothered with because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. It's being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. I'll quote Ibsen, "The strongest men are the most alone."  .... You know the typical crowd, "Wow, it's Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?" Well, yeah. Because there's nothing out there. It's stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I've never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn't want to hide in factories. That's all. Sorry for all the millions, but I've never been lonely. I like myself. I'm the best form of entertainment I have. Let's drink more wine!"

Charles Bukowski

(That last bit is, of course, optional!)

(...and I've no idea why the text is so huge.  I tried reducing it in Word, then cutting and pasting - but to no avail!)

Good morning Tom.

Anxiety - hypervigilance, performance anxiety, sensory overload, the fear of being in an overwhelming and unpredictable environment (i.e "out there" with the variables of people, situations and the unknown) requires you to nurture yourself and find those safe places to simply "be". When those safe places get disrupted or the routine of having those spaces and that time is disrupted it can also cause great angst.

“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”
― Franz Kafka

I agree with Ellie.  There are days when I feel almost invincible - like I can take on the world.  These are usually days, though, when I don't need to have much human contact.  After a day around people, I'm often left feeling tired, inferior, stupid.... and vulnerable.

I'm a whole week now without my go-to 'panacea', alcohol.  Strangely, it was yesterday - a day off, with low anxiety, feeling relaxed - when it really hit me.  I went out last night on the feeble pretext of buying some cat litter freshening powder - and found myself (my true pretext) in the alcohol aisle comparing prices of wines and beers.  I picked up some bottles.  Then I decided to go in an offie on the way home.  And then, finally, I bought a bottle of Coke!  I then got home and sat down to watch a film, which took the thoughts away.  I'm glad I did that, because this morning I feel fresh - not hung over.

I'm going to consider getting some CBD oil to see if it'll work for the anxiety - even if just as a placebo.  That anxiety is pretty much all rooted in social activity.  Sometimes, I just get this overwhelming feeling that something bad is going to happen - is bound to happen.  Like Joseph K in Kafka, and often sit awaiting the knock on the door.

We help one another here.  I prattle on as much as anyone.  But even just sitting here writing this makes me feel more grounded.

There is a great deal of both brilliance and vulnerability in this community. I sometimes wonder what the moderators reading this make of it!

We each seem to have our moments of lucidity, vulnerability, highs and deep lows.  There are some who are still dealing with exposure to past or current abuse and the vulnerabilities of also managing co-morbid conditions such as anxiety, depression and medical issues.

In contributing to the forum (to which I mean 'prattling on') there is a lot of self identification with others feelings and experiences (though I obviously realise that each persons experience and interpretation of that experience is their own) which in turn is both reassuring i.e. it is not only me whose gone through this but also sad in that there is a sadness that such encounters with life are not as uncommon as they should be.

I agree, sensible advice should be bumped.

When it comes to personal safety we should look at the practices of professional advisors.

My mental health crises team came in pairs when they visited me at home.  Never alone.

My other, various advisors, insist that we meet in safe public places where there are people around, such as libraries, community centres, pubs, Costa café, Waitrose café etc.  Never at home.

I learn from them.

Sensible advice as always, also to give this thread a bump.

I thought it was time to revive this thread as it is probably more appropriate for my thoughts on how sometimes we can become the victims of someone unscrupulous.

There was a programme on television a week or two ago (think it was a repeat) about a teenager who used his knowledge of computer games to lure and trap another teenager and eventually get to meet him with extremely tragic consequences.   The perpetrator of this is now serving a lengthy prison sentence, but this will not bring the other lad back.  There are stories that the perpetrator was autistic (anything to make autistic people seem dangerous to society).  He manipulated several younger lads but the lad he murdered he groomed into eventually meeting him.

Now I am not saying this is the motive of anyone who has posted on here.  But we just don't know what the motive of someone may me.  Someone who in original posts says they are not autistic, they were blind but now can see, they ask for people to post pictures of themselves, they want 'friends' on here but then ask for pictures and addresses as their first message, and they are marrying someone from somewhere where the human rights record is dubious and have never met, and they have made posts with much conflicting information.

There are all sorts of questions here about vulnerabilities, both with the person concerned and what is being asked of others.  It may be totally innocent but there are enough questions to be answered that put questions in my mind and make me suspicious.

I said before that I believe this forum should not be a dating site.  And I still believe that.  Too many of us (me included) are vulnerable in one way or another and can drop our guard at certain times.  And although myself I am not interested in dating anyone, I can see how those who are could be taken in by someone out of curiosity or because they are desperate for companionship. And certain people, who are well practised in seeming genuine will take advantage of this.  Certainly if someone begins to ask for details of date of birth, address, etc do not divulge this.  Pay no one any money however desperate they sound or however good the 'investment' may seem (and, as an aside, this includes beggars on the street - too many times money gven to them ends up not for food but to feed a drug habit). 

And I would advise anyone not to meet someone alone whom they met online and have never met before. Meet in a public place, as busy as your autism allows it to be, take someone with you and be prepared to walk away if behaviour or language begin to get inappropriate.

Be safe!

My son is in prison now. So please get help!!!! We got no support.

My son to is in prison now. The teen told my son "You won't go to Prison because of me" while she made up allegations against him behind his back. She called up at the window to get him out. She txt him thousands of times. She asked for items money as her 20 year old brother. Got her friends to call over. We didn't know about the allegations for almost 2 years. The police built the case up. Until he was sentenced to prison the barrester then gave him the allegations statement to read in prison! No defence made. We only saw the police statements, which said very little!!! The system is nasty. The solicitors did not inform my son on all allegations.  The police took too long to deal with them and told it's a separate issue!!!!! Not mentioned in court dispute us informing.

We are living in tough times. He won't cope on a 10 year order! It's too much!

Judge knew the order on needing to be more clear. We didn't see the actual order he was on prior

It's terrible this is happening.

My son don't want to know anyone no more.

In the meantime he is in prison locked in a temp room alone and has nothing. He's been in a tracksuit for two weeks not washed let out 30 mins a day. On temp wing. So he can't get education, nothing.

The solicitor and barrester told me they had to prove he had capacity otherwise the court would not know what to do with him. So you're  dammed either way!

Teens target vulnerable adults.

We've had it for years.

No protection and grey area.

He looks young himself and feels it.

He don't feel like an adult due to his physical disabilities and illnesses on top. No professional support.

Just about to get him a Navigator but the case stopped it all. Yet my other son the same is thriving as he don't have physical disabilities

Inciting - Entrapment are a common occurrence in my town. Teens do this now especially known convicted vulnerable adults.

Hi,

I am new on here and I agree with the vulnerability that comes with relationships. My son is nearly 18 and is struggling to understand his emotions. He has been suspended from college for sending an inappropriate photo. But the girl who also has special needs told college that he just sent it to her. When in fact she asked him to send it to her.

Now he looks the bad one when in fact they are both to blame. My son can't cope with his emotions when girls tell him they fancy him. He then thinks it's the norm to get obsessed with them. Making things totally worse. I'm hoping one day, he will find a girl who understands his needs.

How do I help him when it comes to relationships?? My heart breaks for him as he loves college :( xx

Hi @Song

Reading you post is very relevent to my son who is early 20s.  He has ASD

And still had no true girlfriend not relationship experience. However a teen girl has reported my son for harrasment charges, we didn't know and this girl now 16 txt him 2,500 times and phoned him 50 times on police investigation, he sent less back not phoned her once. She is the younger sibling of the brother who befriended my son. Took money off him, asking for tobacco, money for alcohol.I stopped it.

My son is at risk of prison and court hearing due. But since her allegations, she won't leave him alone and calls for him at the house, she's not the victim here for sure. I know this is an Entrapment. Police don't seem to notice my many reports of complaint but recently she finally had a warning to stay away.

My son don't see her for what she is, and it's very sad that if he goes near her he could end up in custody prior to the case.

I think it's about time there is more protection for vulnerable young adults manipulated  by teens who fake friendships and report fasle malicious sexual crimes. He's had this beforehand. All teens are friends, but the police seem to not care to help.

How can we protect our ASD members from manipulation if they can't see it themselves??  as the complaint has to be made by them. It's terrible.

It's good you are married and reflecting your experience here. Thanks for sharing

I was in the same situation as you in a 'relationship' my late-teens/early-20s and it did me immense damage. I didn't realise he had been grooming me until I started working in education and had to do safeguarding training- reads like a checklist. So that's a fun thing I have to do every year. >>

Accepting that I'm vulnerable is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. My partner of 5 years had a similar experience (also autistic and at the same age). I don't think it's uncommon with us on the spectrum to be targeted in that way as young adults.

DragonCat16 said:

Some sites have a private section for members only. Not the whole site, just one section.

I have noticed the same.

Maybe we can have something similar here?

Some sites have a private section for members only. Not the whole site, just one section.

Most people I know that fall for someone generally say that they fell for someone because they didn't make small talk. They tend to hit it off straight away. I can say myself that I've also found this the case. I once met a girl when I went out drunk to a watch a film alone. There were 5 people in the picture house. I found a shot particularly amazing and went "Wow" under my breath. She was in the row in front, and she turned back and said "I know, right!". I came out at the end and she we got talking about the directors filmography. We totally geeked out for a while then I asked her if she wanted to carry on in the pub. She was AS and I didn't get diagnosed until 16 years after we met. It kind of makes sense now but you will find someone who it isn't hard to speak to. That's the whole point of being with someone. Not finding it hard to speak to them. If you are having trouble speaking, your intuition is probably telling you the right thing.

Cloudy Mountains said:

You haven't upset anyone, not even once from what I can tell! I've never used a dating site. They feel too random to me. I like to get a look and jist of a person before I'd feel comfortable of any form of dating. I feel like an alien a lot of the time. Some women like aliens! Have you ever thought about that?

Thank you very much for letting me know!

I just feel that on dating websites people have some kind of small talk rules I really struggle to understand. It looks like to me that most of the people like playing games. I am too serious for that.

I am horrible at small talk and I do not like it.

I also feel like an alien a lot of the time. It is not just on the dating websites.

I also would like to know more about the person before meeting him.

I would love someone similar to me as a partner. I think there must be someone out there who would really like me.