I have a son who is 13 that was diagnosed with aspergers when he was 6 years old.Since this time we have had ups and downs with primary school, mostly for fighting, not ahereing to rules, not being able to sit still, taking himself on walkabouts, the list goes on. 2 caf referrals were done and ignored as he is very intelligent and didnt warrant help!!!!.
Secondary shool there was a transition period as we knew they would be problems, he struggles with different classrooms, teachers, stand ins etc. Every sept was an issue. Not to mention he struggles with boundaries, cause and conseqence etc.
From age 6 to shortly before he left primary he saw a pediatricain who at the last meeting stated as we didnt want him to go on ritalin there was nothing more that could be done and we were discharched. Note we did try ritalin for a month trial but have since discovered it can take 3 mths to 6 mths for it to have an effect so this proved pointless. I was given a prognosis that children witht his condition became aggressive and would most certainly be in trouble with the police and later jail.
At approx 11 years old i vidoed my son having a tantram and took this to my gp who reffered us again to nhs stating we did need help, some months passed and without even seeing us sent both us and gp a letter saying as we already had a diagnoisis it was pointless and instead suggested child and family guidance.
Some time later we tried CAHMS, at first appoinment my son throughout meeting banged, threw and constantly interrupted the meeting to the point i could not think, i made a decision to not return after i was told DIDNT HE PLAY NICELY!!!!!.
A adhd test was also done and i was informed the test was inconclusive!!!!.
We got our son into various clubs, gymnastics, swimming, karate, boxing, football etc etc and after a while we were asked not to bring him back due to his behaviour and or complaints from other parents.
When my son hit 13 last June, the behaviour got worse. The fighting with his siblings (brother age 12), sister (age 7) got more pysical. The cats and dogs were being picked on, one even got dropped out of the window (luckily the cat was fine). Sleeping patterns were out of the window and would keep us up all hours. Then began the shouting, swearing and screaming that we hadnt seen before.
We tried 2 youth support workers who in our opinion didnt work with our son, just took him to mcdonalds or we took him to play football with other troubled youngsters that invariably ended up in a scuffle. After 6 weeks on both occasions we were told our time was up!!!.
With the summer hold approaching we got a family support worker, who told my son that at times he was stressed he could leave the house and run off, we were horrifed and advised this was a bad idea. This has now become a pattern for our son and to this day still absconds at will morning noon or night.
During this time we were advised to try CAHMS again, our son didnt want to go and dispute getting him there, confirmed his name, age and where he went to school and spent the rest of the time causing £5000 worth of damage to our family car. The report from this meeting stated dan appeared ok and wasnt on aspergers sprectrum, which has been banged on about ever since. How they managed to get to this opninion is beyond my thinking!!!!!.
Meeting made few days later for mental assessment, our son didnt want to go, we asked social services for help, NO HELP.....managed to get him to meeting and dispute ringing beforehand stating please be on time, he doesnt want to come. During the 20 mins they ran late, our son screamed and shouted up and down the hallways, and we were told to keep him quiet as he was upsetting people. Meeting was abandoned.
During the perioed of school starting again in sept, our son refused to go, stating we couldnt make him go and he didnt have to go if he didnt want to. Absonded so many times i lost count, took rides to some distance away either on buses or trains, all without money. Was found walking up a major road in the dark. Then the criminal damage started, writing on walls, bashing doors, throwing things around and out of windows, throwing items around in gardens, managed to break a wooden wardrobe and collapsed with him inside it. We had to keep all windows locked as this was a means to escape. We had to and still do have to keep all keys locked away as he throws them away. Then the threats to kill himself started which upset us all.
On the 25/10 after being in foster placement for 6 days (they asked for him to be removed), constant running away, problems at school.
Social services at this point rang for me to go see my son before he was taken some 75 miles away to a care placement, I had 15 mins with him before he was taken away.
Since this time, our son is on social worker number 3, normally he visits every weekend, they have all tried to ban home visits at some stage or another as in his best interests, mostly told to us on the day that he was due to be coming home. We had calls listened to for 3 WEEKS and dispute nothing coming of thsi we get told that our calls are upsetting, well wouldnt they be upsetting to a 13 year old living 75 miles away from home.
We have asked repeatedly for him to be moved closer so that instead of the big build up at the weekend that he could come home for tea, or to watch a film, walk the dog etc etc to maintain the family unit. We have been ignored.
He absonds, on 3 of these numerous occasions he has managed to get back home. Full time school (part of placement) didnt commence until new year, prior to that he was either home tutored or work sent back to the care placement or school was a few hrs each day. For over a mth now school is 1pm to 3pm daily in order to seperate our son from another pupil.
Accusations have been thick and fast, from workers at the school calling him names to manhandling him, from several of the care workers again calling him names and manhandling him and even to the care manager herself, Also various issues with the other 2 yps within the home aged 16 and 18, fighting, argueing, stealing, absconding together, the list is endless. Most recent our son told us that he had been smoking weed and drinking cider, we asked care staff and it was denied. However 2 weeks later another member confirmed it, this again has since been denied. An investigation was complied and we were advised by ss that all accussations were NO EVIDENCE!!!!!!.
On the 25th may we were denied a home visit due to behaviours and being only told the day before and the fact that it was 2 family members birthdays we felt it inportant to see our son. We rang the placement and was told it was short notice to inform them, call was ended stating there was issues with the other 2yps in the house (no mention of our son). We traveeled the 75 miles and the grandparents nearly 150 miles to meet at placement. 2 new care workers were on shift and when dan stated he had been drunk and stoned again the night before we were all horrified. Care worker confirmed in records that dans drinking had been recorded along with the other 2 yps.
We at this point decided that as our son was not being kept safe and well and taking into account the other concerns, eg we have 9 mths of his food intake and its poor to say the least, no wonder he has put on 2 stone. Takeaways once a week. 3/4 activities all week plus being paid to attend school we felt was teaching him everything had its price and now will do NOTHING unless we pay him for it. Plus during a[past visit recently he was seen on the roof and dispute there being 2 care workers outside they did nothing to coax him down. The care manager has admitted some staff dont challenge him and have been spoken to regarding this. Our son also has an influx of money every visit and he now tells us that once worker gave him £10 every shift to behave and worryinly this appears to add up. I have heard over calls being passed from worker to my son that they appear to bow down to his demands.
We have now after a meeting following this friday been told that ss plan to take legal action against us and take our son back to this placement,. Dispute viewing our concerns we were told that the latest drink/drugs didnt happen and it was apparant from ss take from the placement that records have been doctored, if it was my son causing the issues why wasnt this told to me in the phonecall thurs night. Also it was implied that our son got the drink/drugs from us. Taking into account the other yp was off school to smoking weed on site it doesnt take a genuis to work out where he got it from. This was confirmed by one of the teachers. The care manager during this meeting stated well he doesnt do it much and the social workers manager deemed it normal for his age to be doing this.
From the date off removing our son it hasnt been easy, he has so many learned behaviours from within the placement we are back to square one and worse it would seem. He has vandalised both our cars, broken a window, wrecked both our front and back gardens, thrown stuff around in the home, written all over wallpaper, stolen £150, absconded til early hours of the morning. We have not notified anyone as we feel that strongly against him going back. However the Police were called yesterday as i was home alone with him and after refusing him £5, ransacked the house and threw rocks at the door, causing me to fear for my safety.
I do belive that our son needs a placement just not the one that he is in, I also believe that his chances of returning to mainstream school is non excisent not helped by the fact that he is not statemented. This is a viscious circle as sservices have stated his aspergers assessment from 8 years ago is now in question.
YET 9 MONTHS LATER STILL NO ASSESSMENT HAS BEEN DONE DUE TO FUNDING IM TOLD!!!!!
Surely this is the least that our son deserves so that we may all and more importantly HE can move forward.
I apologise this is so long and ive made it brief, we just are desperate for help yet the help social serives are offering is to take him away for good!!!, so much for working with families to retain the children in their family homes.
Now they bang on about our son having a distachement disorder, note banned visits, living so far away, tried to ban a visit on 2 familes birthdays, yet they state we have caused this.
Im at a loss and just want the best for my son. xx
