Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, just looking for a bit of advice. I have a 13 year old son who has been diagnosed with ASD, on the high end of scale. He has a serious problem with anxiety and finding life at school difficult, it’s a long day when you are trying to mask your fears/anxieties. He comes home exhausted! Anyway his problems don’t end there, when he gets home he has to deal with another issue, his Dad - His Dad is at the moment in the process of being diagnosed with ASD. The relationship has got so bad He can’t stand being in the same room as his Dad. I told me his Dad makes him feel very anxious. I’ve tried to encourage my son to talk to his Dad but he says ‘there is no point as he won’t listen...’ I feel stuck in the middle. I can totally understand how my son feels as my husband has never really had much to do with him, only to reprimand or instruct. If they are in close proximity with each other it’s not long before my husband is barking out instructions of what my son should or shouldn’t be doing. It’s awful watching this relationship getting further and further apart as my son becomes more aware of the relationship other fathers have with their children. Should I say something to my husband?
It sounds very much like his dad is like my biological father who just barked orders occasionally or shouted at me for no apparent reason (on reflection I believe these were 'melt downs'). He didn't show any love or affection and due to this as an adult, I would never call him dad. He and my mother separated in 2008 and I haven't spoken a word to him since. I'm really glad we don't have a relationship and don't feel like I'm loosing out on having a 'dad' as I know its something he's not capable of having that relationship - I believe my ASD in inherited from him.
If I was in your situation I'd let your husband know, then if he wants to try and repair the relationship he can. If he doesn't then your son will be able to have his alone time without any guilt.