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Why is always me he hits?

mumof4boys772
over 6 years ago

Hi guys, I am posting this as school are getting concerned about my sons violence, he has high functioning autism, traits of spd and Hypercussis, our son has always been violent and always had meltdowns, he has been suffering school anxiety, but most times its me he hits when he lashes out, ok sometimes his brother, but its always me that gets the brunt of it, does anyone know why? so I can explain this to school? I do not want them thinking its something I am doing.

Parents
  • over 6 years ago

    Hi mumof4boys772,

    I think that kids and teens tend to take their frustration, their bewilderment, their fury and their distress out on the very person they love and trust the very most, as this is the safest place they have in the entire world to do so/show it.

    Who among us would show these painful things, these lost or unacceptable parts of ourselves, to anyone other than the people we are most closest too?

    However, living with escalating violence is not okay. I should give the NAS helpline a call and see if they can offer any advice or signposting to help you manage this.

    Best of luck.

    And a hug.

  • over 6 years ago in reply to AngelDust

    Thanks Angeldust, we have been living with it for years, of course I have tried many a thing, de escaltion ect, however most meltdowns now are actually caused becfause of the school day and thats where the violence occurs.

  • over 6 years ago in reply to mumof4boys772

    Hi Mumof4boys772,

    I am really sorry if my reply seemed flippant in any way- I was just on my way out at the time, but had wanted to send you a few words as I really feel for you.

    I do think that it can be common for parents and ‘home life’ to bare the brunt of any (or even all) upsets that may be happening in our kids’ lives, even if, as you say, the cause of the upset is external, such as at school.

    I had a look on the NAS website and found this page (link below) which might be really useful. I think I would be very tempted to print it out and hand it to the school, so they can begin to become educated on how different behaviours at home and in school can be very common for ND kids.

     http://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/school-home.aspx

    Handing the school this ‘official NAS’ info sheet in this way may help put to rest any fears you may currently have about school blaming you in any way.

    The page also has some good advice and strategies for managing stress (anxiety and anger) in school which the school could perhaps begin to put in place for your son, to perhaps give him a greater sense of control (and thus increase his sense of safety) during anxious situations, and perhaps help him learn how to recognise and manage his (difficult) feelings more positively?

    Very best of luck.

Reply
  • over 6 years ago in reply to mumof4boys772

    Hi Mumof4boys772,

    I am really sorry if my reply seemed flippant in any way- I was just on my way out at the time, but had wanted to send you a few words as I really feel for you.

    I do think that it can be common for parents and ‘home life’ to bare the brunt of any (or even all) upsets that may be happening in our kids’ lives, even if, as you say, the cause of the upset is external, such as at school.

    I had a look on the NAS website and found this page (link below) which might be really useful. I think I would be very tempted to print it out and hand it to the school, so they can begin to become educated on how different behaviours at home and in school can be very common for ND kids.

     http://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/school-home.aspx

    Handing the school this ‘official NAS’ info sheet in this way may help put to rest any fears you may currently have about school blaming you in any way.

    The page also has some good advice and strategies for managing stress (anxiety and anger) in school which the school could perhaps begin to put in place for your son, to perhaps give him a greater sense of control (and thus increase his sense of safety) during anxious situations, and perhaps help him learn how to recognise and manage his (difficult) feelings more positively?

    Very best of luck.

Children
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