New to autism and learning

Hello Skye.

I'm relatively new here and I don't have an autistic spectrum disorder, and nor does anyone in my family.  I work with ASD children, if I may refer to them that way, in an ASD unit in a High School, which means I've met quite a few and at varying levels.

I was for about five years father to a massively handicapped little girl - nothing to do with autism - who passed away about 20 years ago, and so I know a little more than some of my peers about what it feels like when we discover that our children are not quite what - in the ignorance of our earlier daydreams - we imagined they were going to be.  The light of my life for all of her life, nobody could tell us at first - she 'crashed' at seven days old - what was wrong with her, and even as her problems started to be 'mapped', no-one seemed to be able to tell us how she would be affected.  We learned, of course, as it happened and from the things she did and did not do.  I know, too, of the impact such a situation can have on a family.

On the one hand, despite your easily understandable wish to know, it seems to me that 2.5 years is maybe a bit young to come to too fixed a perspective.  All children are different and all children change, and it can be very, very difficult to anticipate how they will change.

I haven't looked widely around this site but I think there is a lot of information on the NAS site generally and you'll find a lot of generous people here who will offer advice when you seek it.

Have confidence in yourself.  You know your own child best.  Parents do.  Don't let anyone bully you into believing otherwise, because there is no doctorate or degree that is equivalent to the connection which exists - in most natural circumstances - between a parent and a child.  Forgive yourself, too, when you don't feel you are doing everything right and don't get to the point of thinking "others seem to manage better, why can't I?"  You are probably managing just as well, if not better than they are, but in social circumstances people tend to hide just how badly they are struggling.

Nothing I say can soften the hurt of not being able to give and receive meaningful hugs from a child.  That could change, over time.  An unbeliever, I cannot meaningfully pray, but I hope with all my heart that that change does occur for you and as soon as possible.

Warmest best wishes to you,

Hello Skye.

I'm relatively new here and I don't have an autistic spectrum disorder, and nor does anyone in my family.  I work with ASD children, if I may refer to them that way, in an ASD unit in a High School, which means I've met quite a few and at varying levels.

I was for about five years father to a massively handicapped little girl - nothing to do with autism - who passed away about 20 years ago, and so I know a little more than some of my peers about what it feels like when we discover that our children are not quite what - in the ignorance of our earlier daydreams - we imagined they were going to be.  The light of my life for all of her life, nobody could tell us at first - she 'crashed' at seven days old - what was wrong with her, and even as her problems started to be 'mapped', no-one seemed to be able to tell us how she would be affected.  We learned, of course, as it happened and from the things she did and did not do.  I know, too, of the impact such a situation can have on a family.

On the one hand, despite your easily understandable wish to know, it seems to me that 2.5 years is maybe a bit young to come to too fixed a perspective.  All children are different and all children change, and it can be very, very difficult to anticipate how they will change.

I haven't looked widely around this site but I think there is a lot of information on the NAS site generally and you'll find a lot of generous people here who will offer advice when you seek it.

Have confidence in yourself.  You know your own child best.  Parents do.  Don't let anyone bully you into believing otherwise, because there is no doctorate or degree that is equivalent to the connection which exists - in most natural circumstances - between a parent and a child.  Forgive yourself, too, when you don't feel you are doing everything right and don't get to the point of thinking "others seem to manage better, why can't I?"  You are probably managing just as well, if not better than they are, but in social circumstances people tend to hide just how badly they are struggling.

Nothing I say can soften the hurt of not being able to give and receive meaningful hugs from a child.  That could change, over time.  An unbeliever, I cannot meaningfully pray, but I hope with all my heart that that change does occur for you and as soon as possible.

Warmest best wishes to you,