Agrressive Behaviour

Hi all. My advice would be similar to what Mel just said. If it is attention seeking then doing as Mel suggests is probably best. Try using picture cards if communication is difficult. Telling the child off isn't probably ideal but certainly make it known that the behaviour isn't acceptable.

If one parent is being hit, then try and remove yourself and get the other parent to take over. This will act as a distraction to the child because if they are trying to communicate with Mum and it's not working then they are going to be getting pretty cross with her as well not getting the need met, so if Dad comes in with a positive attitude and uses picture cards to help find the need, this might help. Try looking on www.do2learn.com for resources to aid with communication.

Hope this helps! :) xx

hi mel yeah i think i,ll try this it cant do any harm to try my little girl bangs her head aswell hun its horrible to see its heartbreaking but i will try this thanks huni xxx

Hi Skye

Just thought I'd let you know about some advice I've been given and which only this morning seems to have helped with my little boys behaviour. Part of the reason they hit out at us is attention as well as frustration. So what I am doing is immediately saying 'don't hurt mummy' or 'let go please' and then walking away, to another room if possible. Generally my little boy has followed me and then I ask him to show me what he wants or ask if he's hungry, thirsty, tired. Sometimes I can guess the reason so 'help' him to show me. By doing this he isn't getting the attention he is seeking and should eventually realise that being aggressive doesn't get what he wants. I think you can tailor what you say to how much you think your little girl understands, what seems to be important is the walking away and being consistent, every time doing the same thing and all other family members too. As i say, it seems to be working so far with my little boy, even at nap time just now when I have terrible trouble, but it is very early days I know! Anyway, I thought this might help, worth a try anyway. Xx

In the past yes I have told him that it hurts but it doesn't seem to make any difference. I'm not sure how much he understands so am trying to keep the message as simple as possible at the moment. If anyone has any suggestions as to what I should be saying / doing please do tell me. My little one generally takes everything out on me rather than surroundings, although he does sometimes bang his head against the wall. Should I take this as a compliment?!!! 

yeah mel my little girl used to say 4 or 5 words then completely stopped altogether and yeah its so frustrating mel because we know they are trying to say something its must be so frustrating for them my little girl now has started when she wakes up in the morning she lies on the floor and puts her feet on the radiator and kicks hell out of it i swear it will come off the wall one day she kicks it that hard and we,ve told her no and to stop and told her its wrong and why but she just doesnt understand what were saying to her and she doesnt take it in as most of the time she,s in a world of her own xxxx

Do you tell him why he has to stop doing something?

My little boy does say a few words but generally not ones that are requesting or telling us what he needs, they tend to be just odd words and he then seems to lose them, doesn't keep repeating them no matter how much I try and encourage him.  I think the worst part about the behaviour is the frustration on their part, I am sure some of the time they are just trying to convey a message.  After trying for the past few days to tell him it's wrong, I have gone back to trying to ignore the behaviour and distract him.  Every time I told him no or stop he just got worse - does anyone have any advice about what we should be doing please? xxx

i feel just as you do on this mel i just dont know what to do for the best do we ignore it like you say or what i try to tell my little girl no its wrong but she doesnt understand me does your little boy talk or communicate mel because my little girl doesnt do either talking or communicating which makes it harder again xxx

Hi

I am currently going through a similar thing with my little boy, he is 2.6 and currently in the assessment stage. He has previously gone through stages of pulling my hair, biting but just recently has added hitting to the list! It does seem to be mainly when he is frustrated, wants something or is very tired and also when putting him to bed. I will take note of theadvice about keeping notes of triggers thanks, but can anyone help with how to deal with the aggressive behaviour? I've tried saying no, stop, ignoring it and saying no and then walking away. My son is only aggressive towards me and my husband which is obviously good that he isn't behaving that way to other kids but is very upsetting for us both. The only way he stops is if I walk away he follows me and then I can distract him. Should I be trying to teach him that this behaviour is wrong or just accept it and try and ignore / distract! 

Anytime :) xx

thanks for that james were waiting for a portage worker at the mintue who is going to try and help her aswellbut i can also look into your suggestions so thank you xxx

Id suggest introducing an intervention programme as soon as possible, TEACCH etc. Also look at www.do2learn.com has some really useful information. I'd imagine most of the behaviours come from frustration due to not being able to communicate. Overcome that and things hopefully should improve! :) xx

aww thanks james for your kind words and yeah your right but i feel we have to get it right so we can help her better i dont know my head is everywhere and i dont know what to do for the best to be able to help its so hard as she doesnt communicate at all with us we have to try and guess and its hard xxxxx

You are more than welcome. Talking to others about what you are experiencing and feeling is important too, don't neglect yourself by focussing solely on dealing with your daughters needs, take time for yourself and you'll find you are better able to deal with things :) xx

Thanks for your ideas and your help and james your not being patronising at all i,m new to all this so all help and advice is very much appreciated xx

With regards to your daughter hitting herself, try getting her to put on childs boxing glove, I know this probably won't be as easy as it sounds, but at least if she gets them on she won't hurt herself or others quite as much. Also try and look for triggers or warning signs to the agression, keep a note of them so that you can avoid them, or at least prepare for them in the future. Find distraction techniques where possible too.

 Sorry if this sounds patronising or you are already doing any of the above, but i hope it helps!

I don't know whether it's the same but i get similar things with myself. If i get stressed i can lash out and i often hit my head on things or bite, cut or scratch myself. I get very angry if people make loud noises, say hurtful things or just generally don't agree or listen to me. Hopefully your support will be there soon.

Anne xx