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Triggers and Responsibility

TheCatWoman

What triggers you and how do you cope?

Who's responsibility is it to help you cope with your triggers?

I have some pretty strange things that trigger me and give me the ick, last night I was watching university challenge and colour and texture of a contestants jumper triggered me, I feel texture of the fabric and how iritating it was, the colour didn't help either, it made my teeth itch and my eyes didn't want to look at it. But I was enjoying the program, so I decided to just not look at the guy when he came on screen.

Patterns can really trigger me too, enough to want to run away screaming, I just leave as fast as possible, screeming inside.

Whilst I can try and control triggers in my home, whats reasonable out of my home? If someone uses a word that's like nails down a blackboard, of whistles, which seems to trigger and instant kill switch in my head and have to stop myself from turning round and strangling the offender. 

What's the difference between a trigger and somethng I don't like? BBQ's make me feel sick, is that a trigger or something I really dislike? Whilst if I were Empress of Everything, they'd be top of the list of things that would be banned, others enjoy them and I dont' really have the right to stop them as much as I'd like too.

Is the word "trigger" becoming over used? Has it become a way of saying 'I don't like this', rather then something that causes a large stress or trauma response either from traumatic memory or for some unknown reason your teeth start itching.We know there are really common ones, like finger nails down a black board, but many are more personal and no less uncomfortable if not downright painful.

But I notice everyone using the word "trigger" and I fear it's losing it's meaning, a bit like every headache became a migraine, every cold, flu. Headaches can be really painful, but not all are migraines, migraine describes a very particular type of headache, colds can be barely a sniffle or somethng that puts you bed for a week, but they're not flu, which again has a specific set of symptoms.

On a site like this, where people face daily struggles living in the world and use here as a place to be themselves, should we be more accomodating of people's triggers? Or should we over look them a bit? Somebody might only be able to communicate in ways that others find, irritating, triggering or just plain incomprehensible, personally I think we should try and be considerate of others as much as possible and that includes recognising that someone may not have the executive function or the language to not trigger or otherwise annoy us. I say this as someone who frequently finds things like emoji's text speak and people who relate to the world via the means of certain types of media annoying and incomprehensibe.

Parents

  • I've been triggered three times in my life. The first time was spending a few years unable to face busy public waiting rooms following a disastrous end of a relationship when I spent a lot of time in waiting rooms rather than going home. During that period, in one hospital I asked to wait someone away from the normal waiting room and they gave me a less busy corridor to wait in. 

    The second was an aversion to my mobile phone ringing. That was caused by looking after my father for 10 years and being constantly at the beck and call of social services and hospitals. I have far fewer calls these days (and not from demanding public services) and it's not really a trigger any more, just old fashioned dislike.

    The last was a threat to the financial security I'd spent a lifetime building. That one triggered a total burnout that lasted for years and I've never lost the fear. During the worst of it, spending £5 left me shaking. I'm a lot better now, but even small setbacks can push me into a catastrophe loop.

    TheCatWoman said:
    where people face daily struggles living in the world and use here as a place to be themselves, should we be more accomodating of people's triggers?

    Surely, to be able to do that, we would have to know what triggers a person has? The problem there is: how can we know? I can see that someone could put a warning on their posts when discussing something that might be triggering. Is that the best/only solution?

    TheCatWoman said:
    I think we should try and be considerate of others as much as possible and that includes recognising that someone may not have the executive function or the language to not trigger or otherwise annoy us.

    Do we have the responsibility not to post a response if we're triggered? I avoided the things that triggered me as much as possible. If it's just a matter of annoyance, I think we all have a responsibility to be civil. If someone's post is difficult to understand, I think it's a matter of degree. It seems to me it's fait to request clarification of a point in order to respond, but it's unfair to criticise a failure of the person to spell or observe standard English syntax. I know I've ignored some posts when I couldn't understand the point being made. As you say, we don't all have the same level of executive function or communication skills.

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  • I've been triggered three times in my life. The first time was spending a few years unable to face busy public waiting rooms following a disastrous end of a relationship when I spent a lot of time in waiting rooms rather than going home. During that period, in one hospital I asked to wait someone away from the normal waiting room and they gave me a less busy corridor to wait in. 

    The second was an aversion to my mobile phone ringing. That was caused by looking after my father for 10 years and being constantly at the beck and call of social services and hospitals. I have far fewer calls these days (and not from demanding public services) and it's not really a trigger any more, just old fashioned dislike.

    The last was a threat to the financial security I'd spent a lifetime building. That one triggered a total burnout that lasted for years and I've never lost the fear. During the worst of it, spending £5 left me shaking. I'm a lot better now, but even small setbacks can push me into a catastrophe loop.

    TheCatWoman said:
    where people face daily struggles living in the world and use here as a place to be themselves, should we be more accomodating of people's triggers?

    Surely, to be able to do that, we would have to know what triggers a person has? The problem there is: how can we know? I can see that someone could put a warning on their posts when discussing something that might be triggering. Is that the best/only solution?

    TheCatWoman said:
    I think we should try and be considerate of others as much as possible and that includes recognising that someone may not have the executive function or the language to not trigger or otherwise annoy us.

    Do we have the responsibility not to post a response if we're triggered? I avoided the things that triggered me as much as possible. If it's just a matter of annoyance, I think we all have a responsibility to be civil. If someone's post is difficult to understand, I think it's a matter of degree. It seems to me it's fait to request clarification of a point in order to respond, but it's unfair to criticise a failure of the person to spell or observe standard English syntax. I know I've ignored some posts when I couldn't understand the point being made. As you say, we don't all have the same level of executive function or communication skills.

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