hello i believe im audhd , 3 years ago i quit drinking, im 40 next year. i had been drinking heavily since i was 14/15 years old. i always knew i was adhd but now im sure theres more. i have autistic traits also. i dont know what i want or need so often in a day i get so frustrated. im finding myself more sensitive to things ie too much going on around me, two seperate conversations or two sets of music playing, loud in general. i think i find some balance between my walking bein in nature making hip hop beats and gaming. i have been researching alot, this internal tug of war or chemical tug of war ive seen it a few times and it just rings home with me... there is lots more i could go on and on, i cant afford to go private and the nhs just want to put you on anti depressants and or a waiting list, they dont care. i have a son and my relationship with him is being affected, his mother has it out for me and wont explain neurodivergancies to him for my sake. i find it so difficult to communicate i always feel i cant get out what im looking to say then i feel terrible afterwards. i find that in conversations if i havent got the response i wanted i add little white lies, i cant understand why i do this, i hate big lies and i cant stand wrong doers, i feel like i have so much about me people dont understand, i lived alone for 10 years so no one but my kids seen my home life. i find myself sittin in front of frequencies and meditation music for long periods of time when frustrated or burnt out. theres more to me but i just need to be reassured this is what im going through, cheers
