identity crisis

Ah, but I live in Spain, the only country in the world that talks about the weather more than the English!  

This is from May, one of the best sunsets I have ever seen.

 Iago I can’t think of anything better than chatting about photographs, rather than the weather and TV

TheCatWoman said:

I still feel the remnants of peer pressure, even here where so many people love animae and stuff like that which I find really freaky, or playing computer games

I stopped liking cartoons in early teenage and just can't get back into them, or anime. It's just not something I can cope with. I did play an online (static) computer game for a few years, when I was under stress, but it involved many people from around the world and my team had some fun. I even found a couple of real-life friends as a result of it, as we were on the same team. I've never felt the desire to play a video game. I gather the machines to play them on are expensive, so I suppose people get into it by playing with a friend who already has a machine.

I know what you mean about feeling a little peer pressure, though, when others chat happily about things that just leave me cold.

Yes, of course you can; we must set a date and do it, but be careful what you wish for; I have over 100,000 photos in my archive from 20-plus years of photography, most of which will never see the light of day. It's true!  But I can bore for England on the subject.  

 Iago  please can I come to your silent coffee morning it sounds divine! I would actually love this. You can learn so much in silence. We could also communicate in images. This would also be fun  

Hi,

This is familiar territory.  Being asked what an author implies in their writing is such a stupid question!  How would I know, and in any event, how would anyone know, let alone an ND individual!  I remember the struggle when studying to reference properly and draw a conclusion without directly repeating ad nauseam!  How was I expected to say it better than the learned author?  But then, I wasn't diagnosed then, so I guess I would be somewhat blunter with my tutors today.

Fortunately for me, I can do the social small talk in small quantities, so long as there is space to process/re-charge afterwards.  But it must be dreadful for you to have to deal with the coffee and chat scenario, especially after telling people how hard it is.  Why can't they listen, process, and deal?

I wish I had an answer for you; all I can offer is understanding and a virtual coffee morning where no one says a word.

Hi HMN 

Just popped by to say this….please don’t be hard on yourself. Think of it this way, you’ve been managing your wonderful autistic brain, whilst at the same time masking. I see masking not as a weakness or trying to be someone your not.

Masking for me is something I’ve developed for other people. To meet their needs. It’s a strength. Not only are you processing a million things at once, but your adapting yourself in ways that you know will help others around you understand you. It’s a superpower really. Ask a neurotypical to be two people at once?! 

I am also dropping the mask and it’s not having a positive affect. I’m struggling with family. They know my diagnosis but havnt once asked me what it’s like in my world. I got a text the other day that asked if they could come round for a coffee. I’m dying inside just thinking about it. And internally I’m standing up shouting going HAVE YOU NOT HEARD ME. I do not like coffee and chat scenarios and I’ve already said this but no body hears me. I’m at the point where I’ve realised there is a cost to masking, and a cost to not masking. The cost to masking is my comfort, energy and nervous system triggers. The cost to not masking is probably going to be my relationships, but I’m willing to let that be.

Take care and take it easy on yourself

I think things often become interests because people we know are interested in them too, but how would we know something existed if we didn't see others doing it or saying, listening to it? 

Although I've been guilty of pretending to like stuff I really didn't because everyone else liked it and I didn't want to be left out or thought weird. Now most of the stuff I do like is though of as weird and I don't really care that much, although I still feel the remnants of peer pressure, even here where so many people love animae and stuff like that which I find really freaky, or playing computer games which to me is just odd.

Alien0n3arth said:

I was aware of myself was copying her intrest.

Now that I recognise that in myself, I'm finding it so much easier to separate myself from it. It feels like a release to be able to say "No, this is X, not me." 

HMN said:

It's made me wonder what about me is actually... me. Is there anything I do or like that's from me or am I just an amalgamation of the people around me? Do I actually have any individuality?

Hi! To a large extent, we're all shaped by the people around us, especially those closest to us. And when I say 'us' I mean everyone - ND and NT.  That doesn't mean you're not you - you have taken what suits you from others. Sometimes it's bad stuff and sometimes it's good, but you've shaped it differently and woven those threads together into a unique pattern that didn't exist before.

HMN said:

not only does being blunt make me feel like I'm unintentionally being rude for no reason at all but not understanding things while everyone else does just makes me feel stupid.

If you feel you've been too blunt, you can always apologise and say that you tend to be direct and sorry if it makes the person you're talking to uncomfortable. It helps me to remember that bluntness is often a matter of pride in some people as a cultural thing e.g. some Yorkshire people I know, or some of my friends in Northern Ireland. It's not just an autistic trait.

HMN said:

Whenever someone asks me what say the writer is implying in their work I could not tell you

I'm a writer and I get bothered if I feel I've been too subtle sometimes. On the other hand, I know many readers don't like everything to be spelled out, so it's just a matter of taste in reading. One of my friends is aphantistic and can't read novels at all because he can't picture things in his mind. Apparently that's relatively common and not confined to ND people. We're all different, regardless of ND/NT. 

Hi, I'm not diagnosed, I'm in diagnostic process. I had such thoughts long time ago, long before the word autism and the suspicion that it may be me, appeared. I also saw already in other threads and places on the Internet. It's part of masking. It's copying others behaviour either to be more likeable or to stop feeling so different,  it may also be part of expressing, that you like it (someone's behaviour,  certain phrases, etc) - you like it, so you take it and built into your behaviour. I'm nit saying,  this is the reason for you, but a possibility. 

I used to think, that all other people have their own unique personality and only I don't have any. I used to hear, that I copy someone. For example my sister told me I was copying a friend, who I used to hang out with. I finally understood that this lady was taking advantage of me and left. How I copied her- apparently I copied her way of moving, tone of speaking, what I was aware of myself was copying her intrest. I was so ashamed of myself being different and having no personality,  also of my past- that I was bullied at school that I wanted co cover my lack of personality and failures. So I even started listening the same music, she did although deep down I hated it. I'm a bit curious if and how you or others may relate to my experience of thus phenomenon. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.