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Struggling, advice needed

tish5892

Need support - long read

I'm 25 and autistic. I was diagnosed at 19, and I think as I'm getting older, I'm finding things harder. I have had lots of back and forth with the doctors the past year about why I am so anxious, angry and having very negative thoughts and feelings. 

I do have anxiety and depression, but the doctor has even said things to me like bipolar disorder and BDP, and if that is what's wrong, I just want help, however, every time I get so far into a service, they tell me 'im just autistic' or 'its just anxiety' and I'm at the wrong place. The thing is, if it is 'just' autism, I'm still really struggling. 

I had 3 panic attacks/overwhelmed moments yesterday. I cannot have a conversation with another adult, I cannot talk to people I don't know. I struggle to speak up for myself, I struggle to understand what others need and I take my anger and sadness out on those who care about me.

I just feel like I've hit my capacity of understanding, but unfortunately, the world doesn't stop with me. People see a 25 year old woman, not a 12 year old girl, which is sometimes how I feel. Sorry if that sounds strange, but that's the best way I can explain it; emotionally, socially and mentally, I feel over 10 years younger than what I actually am. 

Yet I'm here able to explain it because in moments of clarity and with the way the world is, I can't take a long to feel that way, society, family, work and friends don't make that possible.

I really need some support. I'm UK based and need a therapist or autism specialist to talk to, preferably through the NHS as I don't earn a lot. If anyone can offer any advice, I'd appreciate it. 

Parents

  • I know that an old 'un telling you it will get better doesn't help, so I won't.  As a very newly diagnosed autistic bloke, I don't feel that my experience is particularly relevant.  But having been the 'odd-one-out' for decades, and always feeling not quite included, I do know a little of what is going on with you.  It is not compulsory for you to be the same or experience things similarly to anyone else.  Anxiety is a liar, as a good friend of mine tells people; the problem is that you have to believe that to understand the truth of it.  

    What I will tell you is that there are people in your life who care about you; you may not know them yet.  So, be kind to yourself and trust that things will work out for you.  They did for me.

Reply

  • I know that an old 'un telling you it will get better doesn't help, so I won't.  As a very newly diagnosed autistic bloke, I don't feel that my experience is particularly relevant.  But having been the 'odd-one-out' for decades, and always feeling not quite included, I do know a little of what is going on with you.  It is not compulsory for you to be the same or experience things similarly to anyone else.  Anxiety is a liar, as a good friend of mine tells people; the problem is that you have to believe that to understand the truth of it.  

    What I will tell you is that there are people in your life who care about you; you may not know them yet.  So, be kind to yourself and trust that things will work out for you.  They did for me.

Children
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