My childhood wasn't an easy one, several trauma's and was a young carer for my mother growing up. When I started the formal diagnosis process I asked my mother to be my informant and to provide basic information, development stages as a baby, nurse check ins etc. She basically refused, saying she that time period was difficult and she "didn't remember" anything ( ie was I born prematurely, speech delays etc etc) . This was really upsetting but I accepted her form efforts which were basically my name, and lots of no or "dont know". There were a few outright errors/lies on the form she filled in though such as she denied that I had ever gone to speech therapy ( I remembered this to the point I could tell you what I worked on and where) there was a lot. Contacted the assessment team to correct what I could and I changed my informant to my wife on their advice.
Just before my diagnosis my wife had a meal with my mum and my mother was saying all sorts of information that should of been on the forms, essentially proving she knew of my difficulties and had been told by a child specialist when I was 5 years old various concerns but admitting she had done nothing to follow these up or arrange support. She literally told my wife "I've always known he was autistic" .
I really struggled at school from loneliness, no social skills to grades, I had to work so hard to eventually get decent GCSE'S A Levels then my degree. At no point did my parents ever allow me to think it could ever be anything but a lack of skill/effort on my part. Having support would have meant a lot back then.
This is the short version of events but basically I'm now struggling a bit with feeling essentially gaslight and neglected by my parents. Its not my way to challenge them on this but just hurts and trying to work out how the relationship moves forward. Both my parents are now ill so im still involved in helping them to a degree(not full on carer anymore, but go through some intense periods sometimes).
Posting to see if anyone has had similar experiences
Thanks
