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Trouble with friends

FluffyBunny

I've had problems with my two best friends over the past year or so. My health has declined sharply, but they haven't been there for me. No messages to check in, I'm always the one initiating. They moved in together and have been going out together doing fun activities, but I'm never invited now. When I'm invited its to go to their house and only one of them is ever there and I'm there to help with house tasks or be a friend when something goes wrong. I had a mental breakdown in spring and heard nothing from them, and have been going through the worst time of my life medically without them having my back. I just feel forgotten, like I'm no longer as interesting now. Any advice with this would be appreciated as I just don't know what to do

Parents

  • I agree with lostmyway that these friendships do not sound particularly healthy for you. Especially:

    FluffyBunny said:
    I'm there to help with house tasks or be a friend when something goes wrong.

    I’d be aghast if I were in a friendship where I were expected to do household chores for the friend with little to no support expected in return. Of course, we cannot see on this side of the screen what the dynamics are like or what your friends’ needs are, but from what you’ve described it’s no wonder you seem to feel so alienated. As far as I can imagine, I can think of two options going forward:

    1. Tell your friends how you feel and create the expectation that they should be more mindful of your emotional needs (though, I wouldn’t be surprised if you have already attempted this).
    2. Slowly distance yourself from these two and be open to finding new connections.

    Number 2 is hard, I recognize that. I know that is much easier said than done. Unfortunately, I cannot think of another option if they are unable to recognize your needs even after you disclose them.

    Best wishes.

Reply

  • I agree with lostmyway that these friendships do not sound particularly healthy for you. Especially:

    FluffyBunny said:
    I'm there to help with house tasks or be a friend when something goes wrong.

    I’d be aghast if I were in a friendship where I were expected to do household chores for the friend with little to no support expected in return. Of course, we cannot see on this side of the screen what the dynamics are like or what your friends’ needs are, but from what you’ve described it’s no wonder you seem to feel so alienated. As far as I can imagine, I can think of two options going forward:

    1. Tell your friends how you feel and create the expectation that they should be more mindful of your emotional needs (though, I wouldn’t be surprised if you have already attempted this).
    2. Slowly distance yourself from these two and be open to finding new connections.

    Number 2 is hard, I recognize that. I know that is much easier said than done. Unfortunately, I cannot think of another option if they are unable to recognize your needs even after you disclose them.

    Best wishes.

Children
  • in reply to profdanger

    This is really appreciated thank you so much for your advice. You're totally right about having already tried option 1, but nothing changed sadly. I think you're spot on about option 2, I think that would be the best path forward for my own health.

    Thank you again for taking the time to reply, it has helped so much