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Stimming and involuntary movement/rocking

NAS95189

Anyone else have this? I have it to a chronic degree. I myself genuinely think I'm not doing it and when I watch footage back of myself I am. I can't lie, it makes me want to...do something to myself, it's pretty obvious what I'm insinuating there. I do apologize for been graphic. However upon seeing me stim on camera for the first time last year, over 20 years of bullying, exclusion and infantilization finally made sense. I really do rock back and forth badly, especially when seated. It's insanely bad. And people can say "It's just you". Sorry but no! That *** doesn't quell 20 years plus of getting called the R word, the F word or gay (...not sure why I get that one tbh) or people laughing as I enter a room or stare at me. 

It's a reminder no matter how educated I become, no matter how likable I may force myself to be, or even physically attractive I could make myself, I'll never truly belong, I'll never be able to blend in as much as I'd do anything to. I'll always be either infantilized, questioned, or belittled. Needless to say I once again saw footage of myself stimming today.

There's no cure is there? I've looked it up and it seems impossible. 

  • I believe finding another source of stimulation may be something that could help. Could be a stress ball or a small fidget toy, or maybe you could take a portable video game system with you, maybe listen to some music on your phone etc.

    I hope this helps

  • Hi DarkElf,

    I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling self-conscious about stimming. I hope the stimming pages shared by Nicola Mod has been useful to you.

    If you are struggling with your mental health, speaking to a health professional can help. If your GP is closed, you can call 111 for NHS support. In England, Wales and Scotland, you can now choose option 2 to speak directly with mental health professionals: www.nhs.uk/.../. 

    Other free, confidential support includes: 

    Samaritans – Call 116 123, 24 hours a day 

    SANEline – 0300 304 7000 (4.30-10.30pm daily)  

    Shout – Text 85258, 24 hours a day ·

    Mind Infoline – 0300 123 3393 (Mon–Fri, 9am-6pm) 

    I hope this information is useful and that you feel much better soon. As Nicola said you are not alone our community is here to support you.

    Take care,

    Suzanne Mod

  • Hi there DarkElf.

    Stimming is a completely natural behaviour, and not just for autistic or neurodivergent people - it's just that we may do it in different or more noticeable ways.  Having said that, it is understandable to feel unhappy about doing it as, like you said, people can have unpleasant reactions to it sometimes.

    You may like to have a look at our page on stimming, which has information on its purposes and benefits to autistic people, as well as insights from autistic people on what kind of stims they have and what it means to them.

    I hope this is helpful to you, and am wishing you kind and gentle days ahead.  Remember that you are not alone, and we all feel upset about our autistic traits at some points.  Our community is always here to support you.