Anyone else have this? I have it to a chronic degree. I myself genuinely think I'm not doing it and when I watch footage back of myself I am. I can't lie, it makes me want to...do something to myself, it's pretty obvious what I'm insinuating there. I do apologize for been graphic. However upon seeing me stim on camera for the first time last year, over 20 years of bullying, exclusion and infantilization finally made sense. I really do rock back and forth badly, especially when seated. It's insanely bad. And people can say "It's just you". Sorry but no! That *** doesn't quell 20 years plus of getting called the R word, the F word or gay (...not sure why I get that one tbh) or people laughing as I enter a room or stare at me.
It's a reminder no matter how educated I become, no matter how likable I may force myself to be, or even physically attractive I could make myself, I'll never truly belong, I'll never be able to blend in as much as I'd do anything to. I'll always be either infantilized, questioned, or belittled. Needless to say I once again saw footage of myself stimming today.
There's no cure is there? I've looked it up and it seems impossible.