It's about my mom. At the beginning i must say, that I can't just cut her off, because despite many bad things and negligence I have some feelings to her, and additionally I'm dependent on her help. She supplies me with clothes for me and my daughter. Shopping is too much for me it's a hel. I usually get second hand clothes from her, she asked me few times if I'm not offended for getting second hand. I'm absolutely not. These are good quality comfy clothes, wether it's new or what is written on the label is the last thing I care about. Label gets cut immediately. But despite helping me in my everyday life she also destroys me somehow mentally.she is quite toxic I think. I must agree with her. She does not accept me having different point of view or opinion. She will force me to accept hers until I admit that she is right. And additionally whenever we talk about past, she tries to twist things, change the order of events, her reactions to my brilliant memory made me think, that she is probably upset, that I unfortunately remember perfectly, when I was examined, what examination was that, when and for what I was hospitalised etc. And I'm absolutely not allowed to say that I have some problem, or that I think, that something about me is not normal or unusual and it annoys me and it's basically always her deciding what is a problem and what is not, and of course what is normal or not normal is also her decision. I remember my examinations with the pediatrician, I used to sit, hearing check, eyesight check, weight, hight, quick question to my mom - if psychical development is ok. Her answer always "yes". And done. Once I said, that I have no friends, the doctor asked my mom if she should write that im too shy. My mom insisted that she doesn't write anything. Other time the doctor wrote that im hyperactive. My mom was upset about it. I remember her reaction, her weird sigh. The doctor wrote that i was hyperactive because of my stimming. I have it and gonna use it for assessment. There was also a problem with me not reacting to my name when called. My mom said I had overgrown tonsils that had to be removed. But I have papers where it states I had good hearing when the issue occurred or at least when it was first noticed.
I'm sorry for this rant it's so toxic, infuriating, I feel helpless. In the morning I was excited about creating new lego story, but then my mom called. I don't initiate conversations in this topic. It's her dwelling on it and drilling my soul, aldo trying to manipulate my memories.
