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Relationships

calum123

Hi, 

At the start of the year I met this girl online and we’ve been talking constantly for the past few months now. We’re really close and we know so much about each other. For the past 2 months mainly I’ve been struggling with my autism, I feel like it’s effecting my relationship. We have arguments often, I’m the one to blame. We’ve talked about it but we still constantly argue. This has really been effecting me, I’m constantly overwhelmed, stressed and annoyed. I feel upset, constantly crying and feeling in my stomach. I truly think my autism is affecting this relationship and it’s destroying me, I’ve recently had a full on meltdown because of something she did and it feels like I’m losing her. She’s so special to me and I love her so much. After recently she’s came back to me saying how she’s had enough of me and the fact I get upset at stuff. Shes mentioned it often but I’m trying my best to fix myself and be better for her but it just feels like I’m doing worse and worse. I have insane levels of anxiety rn and probably will for abit, she’s my safe person but I keep thinking she’s the one for me but I feel like I’m not the one for her. Shes amazing, loving, kind and beautiful and I don’t think she has any bad intentions. I’m sure I’m just draining her and I want to stop. I honestly feel so bad and terrible, I’m trying my hardest but sometimes I feel so weak and want to give up. 

im not sure on what to do at all but im struggling so much. I’ve talked to autistic therapists and it doesn’t feel like it’s helping it at all. I feel like such a failure and I know im a problem. I find friendships and relationships so incredibly hard but I really don’t want to give up on this girl.

  • I say this from a place of care and understanding of your situation, but I'm surprised she's still talking to you. The only advice I can offer is this. You said you met her at the start of the year, so for about 6 months it seems things were fine. Can you get back to how you felt then - I assume you weren't masking and the mask slipped? Did something happen 2 months ago that triggered you? You say you don't want to give up on her, but it takes two to tango. Unless she can understand and accept at least the basics - and you must know that's asking a lot - the relationship has no future. I'd just add that your post sounds full of self-pity, and no offence but that's not something most people find attractive.