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My body is shutting down

NAS71232

I have Barrett's Esophagus and diverticulitis. I have a hernia in my throut too. Sorry if this post is weird. I'm on meds.

They said they have only seen this diverticular serverity in people over 90 and they will have to remove a section of my colon eventually. I'm 48. I have to sleep all the time and the pain in my throat is getting really bad 24/7. I have no energy. I read that my body is constantly fighting my swollen colon, so that's why I'm drowsy and need sleep all the time. They said at the hospital that I need to get regular endoscopys to see if it has turned to cancer. I think it has now. I have an endoscopy in a month or two. There are other illnesses that I can't remember ATM due to my medication. I have cysts on either my kidneys or my liver.

I have no children or a relationship. I'm undiagnosed with autism and ADHD. I don't mind passing. It would be a relief due to all my ailments :)

I would like to donate my organs when I pass if any are still usable. If I can save a life before I go, I would be very happy. There are many people on the waiting list for organs. I'm not sure if anything inside me is savagable, but I would like to offer it if it helps. If I do have cancer, I'm assuming all of my organs will be useless?

I'm living with my sick mother. I need to move out before I get very sick. I don't want her to see that. She has carers twice a day and friends, so she isn't alone.

I would like to live alone in peace. I have difficulty connecting. There is a lady at my GP practice in social housing? that said I can talk to her. I can't live in shared accomodation. I just want a garden. I know I won't get it. 

My bucket list is Thailand and Texas for the BBQ. I can't eat -in as I know I'll puke, so it will have to be a takeaway. I have trouble eating. I just want to taste it before I go.

Sorry if this thead is gross. 

I know I won't get my own place with a garden, so I'll just try  to visit Thailand and Texas, then pass on. I will be very ill on these holidays and will have to renew my passport and save money for the tickets. 

I wish I could just stay in Thailand and pass there, but I don't have the cash to do that. 

Parents

  • Sorry you are suffering so, I remember you posting before. What your going through sounds awful, and I hope you can find some help, it sounds grim but if it came to it, maybe there would be help for palliative care with somewhere with a garden? I obviously hope it doesn't come to that in the future, certainly not till after your trip to Thailand and Texas to see and taste the foods. I think that is a good goal to have. 

    I don't know if you like planning, it could be fun to research, have folders saved with pictures and ideas. Pinterest maybe?

Reply

  • Sorry you are suffering so, I remember you posting before. What your going through sounds awful, and I hope you can find some help, it sounds grim but if it came to it, maybe there would be help for palliative care with somewhere with a garden? I obviously hope it doesn't come to that in the future, certainly not till after your trip to Thailand and Texas to see and taste the foods. I think that is a good goal to have. 

    I don't know if you like planning, it could be fun to research, have folders saved with pictures and ideas. Pinterest maybe?

Children
  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thanks for the reply.

    There's no point at this stage. I know the government can't help me as I have no children, so I'm not a concern. I think I have one holiday a year on Universal Credit. I'll just try. I don't have the energy to go on holiday. I have trouble going to ALDI for food. My GP said it was the combo of my ailments that is draining me.

    I don't want to wake up anymore. I try to think of things to keep me going, but there is no point. I'll stop posting as I must be a drag.

    Good luck friend.