Hi.
I got some very awful news this week. I had been having a plethora of physical health problems, which as a result bled into my thoughts and hurt my wellbeing. This wasn’t a new thing, but because of neglect and abuse as a child, it had never been addressed.
I have been, I still am, and I always will do self-improvement. I have achieved so much this year. By myself. I am making extraordinary progress. To put it modestly.
Things really are looking up, and I am living my best life.
Because of the symptoms previously mentioned I decided to go to the Doctor. He told me to do some tests, and I obliged.
Fast forward a month, I get called in to discuss results. I eagerly ran down, and I anticipated bad news.
I was called in, and the Doctor told me that he was pleased with the first set of test results, however, nothing could prepare me for what he told me next…
He told me that he had some bad news for me. And he went on to gently touch on what I had been struggling with. He told me that I have something called Coeliac disease, and after explaining that it means that I am allergic to gluten, I was at a lost for words.
This was last Thursday, and I still haven’t gotten my head around it. I never will. It’s not something that I can change, I won’t ever be able to fix it. The Doctor told me that I would be able to live a normal life, with a couple of adjustments.
They are big ‘adjustments’, my life has changed entirely. And to think that I have actually known about having this from when I was about 4/5 years old, only further reminds me of the neglect and abuse that I had been through growing up, and even into my adult years.
It doesn’t help that I have very few people to speak to, and this is not something that I am going to tell anyone. This is something very private to me. And it only brings problems and/or complicates things if people find out. It’s not like anyone can anyway, I don’t have any family and/or friends.
In the future, when my life is even more positively different. When I have a person who loves me for me to stand by me, almost like a double of me, perhaps they will be the first and last person who I will share this with. Otherwise, it’s only when necessary (e.g. health professionals, caterers, public-servants).
Since going gluten-free, I feel bloody amazing. My body is not in pain. All of those years, imagine going well-over 2 decades feeling intense pain and thinking that it was a part of life. And to “stop being weak, boy. No one else complains like you do”. It only fills me further with anger to realise these things, that I have had this health condition for years and because of my ‘mother’ refusing to acknowledge care for me, I have had to suffer.
There are no sympathies for those in the past who used me, took-advantage. I have no forgiveness for them. They can ****.