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I am struggling with finding anything positive about myself.

TayRus12

Lately, I am having such massive depressive episodes, mainly just with me feeling like a failure or that i keep screwing everything I do up. I've been like this for years, even before i was diagnosed with Asperger's. In school, the kids would always point out that i messed up or that i didn't do something the right way. Then i would see my parents, siblings or friends do things either the right way or perfectly and they would be praised.

It was like this for years, and it's gotten to a point to where I legit can't think of a nice thing to say about myself. Even when someone would try to say a nice to me, I'd just say something like "I did alright." or "It wasn't a big deal." My therapist even told me to write down one thing I like about myself everyday, but I cannot think of 1 thing to write. i can't even say "I love myself." and mean it. I recently accepted a lot of things about myself, like being gay, but I still can't find anything positive to say about myself.

I want to change this mindset, but it feels like it is set in stone. Am I a lost cause?

Parents

  • Maybe have a break from the focus on your self worth and abilities? Maybe turn your focus to what’s around you - with mindfulness techniques and grounding techniques? What these do is help to stop the constant ruminating and constant thinking about ourselves and our inner life - and help us to look outward - and appreciate the simple things around us - such as sounds, the light in the trees, the taste of food etc. I find it really helpful to do this - it stops me going down that rabbit hole of self hatred and self doubt. Some people use meditation- which is great for many people - but mindfulness techniques are a bit less intimidating and really work. It does take time though - the more you do these sort of practices the more helpful they are. But gradually over time they can be very freeing and bring a lot of peace mentally. 
    In terms of ‘saying a nice thing about yourself’ - you don’t need to justify your place on this earth, you don’t have to prove yourself. Being human is not easy - so just surviving (especially when you have autism etc) is no small achievement. The Dalai Lama said: we should try to do good deeds, but if we can’t - just not causing harm is also good. I’m guessing that you’re not going round being horrible to people or being abusive and aggressive to people? That’s doing good to not do harm. That’s something to feel proud of. You really are ok, there’s no reason to be so hard on yourself - be kind to yourself instead :) 

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  • Maybe have a break from the focus on your self worth and abilities? Maybe turn your focus to what’s around you - with mindfulness techniques and grounding techniques? What these do is help to stop the constant ruminating and constant thinking about ourselves and our inner life - and help us to look outward - and appreciate the simple things around us - such as sounds, the light in the trees, the taste of food etc. I find it really helpful to do this - it stops me going down that rabbit hole of self hatred and self doubt. Some people use meditation- which is great for many people - but mindfulness techniques are a bit less intimidating and really work. It does take time though - the more you do these sort of practices the more helpful they are. But gradually over time they can be very freeing and bring a lot of peace mentally. 
    In terms of ‘saying a nice thing about yourself’ - you don’t need to justify your place on this earth, you don’t have to prove yourself. Being human is not easy - so just surviving (especially when you have autism etc) is no small achievement. The Dalai Lama said: we should try to do good deeds, but if we can’t - just not causing harm is also good. I’m guessing that you’re not going round being horrible to people or being abusive and aggressive to people? That’s doing good to not do harm. That’s something to feel proud of. You really are ok, there’s no reason to be so hard on yourself - be kind to yourself instead :) 

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