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I'm scared of losing my special interest

Alien0n3arth

I feel that my intrest that lasts 4 years or so is tiring off. And I'm upset and scared of losing it. Its like losing myself. Many years ago my special intrest was Russian. I was highly excited, every time I saw or heard anything in Russian and it has the taste of coffee with orange. It lasted 10 years and I lost it after my step dad convinced me to be like others (I was supposed to find friends,  but it never worked). When I lost my big love, that lasted 10 years, I felt empty from inside, my life pointless,  flat,  lacking taste. While being in love with the Russian I hoped, that this hobby would last forever and never change. I was scared of the possibility of losing or changing my intrest. But it happened.  It was hard. Now I feel tired of the space, although there is an invisible force pushing me there again and again, I'm also scared of losing it. I hoped it would be the last hobby I ever had and would last till the end of my life. I'm scared of another change and tired of everything changing in this crazy world. I'm anxious,  tired, upset. I'm not sure, which factor plays the main role in all this- me having no time for myself,  my meds, or something else...

Just sharing what is upsetting me recently 

  • in reply to crawlerbasher

    Always, when I have a special interest,  I hope this one is the last one for ever. 

  • I've lost my special interest and I hate it, I feel lost without it. But I know that I will eventually find a new special interest and by the way things are going. That could be writting.

    That feeling is there for writing, but it also might not happen. I try not to force these things, as in the past it has come to me naturally. Like ohhh that's interesting and then 8 years later I'm done with it.

    So I will wait and see what comes next, even though I feel empty inside.

  • I've gained and lost special interests throughout my life.  I was interested in Swinging London and Carnaby Street twice.  I have a feeling it could resurface after a year at my future job.  I was into UK Punk twice in my lifetime.  There are other interests that didn't come back.

  • in reply to nodumugo

    Thank you! Yes, mine started evolving actually,  because I started watching videos about insects for relax. And got a new idea for a sci fi story about aliens, that are huge insects. Intelligent ones. They seem awful and terrifying for humans, but they won't be interested in attacking or eating us. They receive our first radio signals and come to look for something else on our planet.

  • I get that weird mix of panic and sadness when an interest starts feeling shaky. What helps me is treating it like a tide instead of a breakup. Mine come back in sideways ways, like a song or a random fact pulling me in again. Sometimes giving myself permission to step back for a bit actually keeps the door open instead of making it feel like something is slipping away forever.

  • I've been through it. I used to be big on Pokemon, and I was always scared of losing my interest in it. 

    Nowadays, I realise that losing interest in something doesn't mean I have to hate it. I can still like something that's not longer my special interest, and I can always revisit it if I want to make it my special interest again.

    Quite recently, my Mega Man hyperfixation resurfaced, for example! Sweat smile I used to be obsessed with the series in my mid-teens, and now I'm obsessed with it again! Before this, it was Gundam. I still love Gundam, but I'm not longer obsessed with it, and that's fine.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I'm often amazed at people having special interests, apart from history which has been a life long interest of mine, I'm not sure I have one? Or maybe I just don't have the time or money to persue one so it's never come up as an option?

  • in reply to pinkchocoholic

    Thank you for your answer. In my case my special interests sometimes kind of resurface in different form. Example- graphic designing resurfaced now, useful for drawing pictures for my sci fo stories about aliens. On one hand I have ideas for new stories and continuation of the existing ones, on other hand I'm afraid I will not finish the ones I already started. Or correct some facts in the old stories.

  • I'm sorry to hear that, I've had special interests which have faded over times and found new ones - the old ones have resurfaced every now and again though, so hopefully this is what you're experiencing (or something similar)

    Be kind to yourself