I feel that my intrest that lasts 4 years or so is tiring off. And I'm upset and scared of losing it. Its like losing myself. Many years ago my special intrest was Russian. I was highly excited, every time I saw or heard anything in Russian and it has the taste of coffee with orange. It lasted 10 years and I lost it after my step dad convinced me to be like others (I was supposed to find friends, but it never worked). When I lost my big love, that lasted 10 years, I felt empty from inside, my life pointless, flat, lacking taste. While being in love with the Russian I hoped, that this hobby would last forever and never change. I was scared of the possibility of losing or changing my intrest. But it happened. It was hard. Now I feel tired of the space, although there is an invisible force pushing me there again and again, I'm also scared of losing it. I hoped it would be the last hobby I ever had and would last till the end of my life. I'm scared of another change and tired of everything changing in this crazy world. I'm anxious, tired, upset. I'm not sure, which factor plays the main role in all this- me having no time for myself, my meds, or something else...
Just sharing what is upsetting me recently
