Looking for an online group of autistic survivors or family members of survivers of childhood abuse

Hi, welcome to the community.  We can exchange I would prefer private about this topic. I experienced a lot of abuse in my life. At home, at school, both in childhood and adulthood.  I won't share any details in the forum, I'm careful with it. But we can exchange in private messages if you wish.

I wish you find here support and like minded people. 

Hi again. Im sorry but I cannot do that. Well technically I can but private messaging has used in the past to harm me and so I never engage with anyone that way anymore. I’m happy to contribute to your thread but if things cannot be public Im unable to take part

It's OK, I understand. I won't write openly in the public forum what I went through for two reasons - 1) my privacy and safety, 2) it might be so shocking and triggering, that could cause someone stress here. I don't want it.

What i can share is bullying at school. I was terribly naive and done everything that someone from the peer group told me to do and then they laughed at me that I did it. It took me time to analyse and figure out that it was bad what they've done to me. I was also physically attacked- pushed and fell out of my bicycle while driving in circles around the area alone. When they did it I laughed hysterically and couldn't stop, although that wasn't funny at all. They laughed too and said that im psychically sick then left me alone. Also when someone told me I'm stupid or ugly I also laughed. Then i also heard that im sick. My family members never took it seriously,  from them I just heard that im too naive and I have to grow up finally, that I was too childish etc. 

I developed anxiety, especially if I see teenagers in a group, I avoid them even now. Because I remember how cruel they can be. Just my trauma response after years of being their victim.

It's OK, I understand. I won't write openly in the public forum what I went through for two reasons - 1) my privacy and safety, 2) it might be so shocking and triggering, that could cause someone stress here. I don't want it.

What i can share is bullying at school. I was terribly naive and done everything that someone from the peer group told me to do and then they laughed at me that I did it. It took me time to analyse and figure out that it was bad what they've done to me. I was also physically attacked- pushed and fell out of my bicycle while driving in circles around the area alone. When they did it I laughed hysterically and couldn't stop, although that wasn't funny at all. They laughed too and said that im psychically sick then left me alone. Also when someone told me I'm stupid or ugly I also laughed. Then i also heard that im sick. My family members never took it seriously,  from them I just heard that im too naive and I have to grow up finally, that I was too childish etc. 

I developed anxiety, especially if I see teenagers in a group, I avoid them even now. Because I remember how cruel they can be. Just my trauma response after years of being their victim.

Thank you, that was brave of you to share that. School was similar for me, teasing they called it but it felt utterly cruel, excluding, and very lonely, always the “can’t you take a joke” sneering. That was until my A level years when I at last gelled with a group with similar interests and academic ambition. At uni though my peers took the xxxx out of me as I preferred to study rather than get drunk with them in the student union. I had the last laugh though as I got the best grade in my year at graduation.

Returning to being bullied at school - on one dreadful occasion there was a queue outside a sweetshop, but this person pushed in, I felt this unfair and dared to ask him not to. In return, and I tell you this from the testimony of others as the next week at least is completely blank, Ive no memory at all, he pulled me to the ground and kicked me hard in the face. Somehow someone got me the city hospital maybe five miles away. I had to have painful work on my nose in particular. My autism assesor commented in her report on my “strong moral compass”, and thats true. 

Im diagnosed with c-ptsd as well as autism and I understand my totally erased (or inaccessible) memory of what happened is a common trauma survival thing the brain does. 

thanks again and I hope you find the support here you need

AnA