Grief and loss

Sorry to hear yesterday's peer support group stirred up a lot of history. 

However, it might prove to be a helpful process in the long term.

It is not nice experiencing the feelings risking taking over at the moment - and yet, maybe that might prove preferable to a surprise emotional tsunami arising at a future point?

If I am not sure what to "do with it all" - I might write a letter to myself and set it aside for a few days.  I can find revisiting my letter after a few days of normal life can change my perspective.

I was reading about grief traditions in other cultures / era.  There seemed to be a common theme around making each headline aspect of grief physically tangible and then giving it away.  Sometimes it might be written and put in the fire.  For others it might be a collection of pebbles cast into a natural body of water.  Else, it might be making something with a skill inherited from a decedent and the finished article then given as a gift to a significant person in someone's life.

I am not quite convinced that Autistic people necessarily tend to process grief in quite exactly the same manner / style / timeframe as non-Autistic people. 

I don't have all the "answers" to go along with that observation - more so, it is a reflection upon how very differently I observe those known to me (non-Autistic people) appear to go about and value things during bereavement and grief.  I can find their ways ...a bit alien, artificial, rushed and annoying (not that anyone set out to be so - it is just differences colliding). 

For me, grief is a much slower process.  A quiet and practical musing and eventually an adaption over time.  

I am not overly impressed by the commercialised current cultural trappings / habits often associated with, or expressed around grief.  I fear they can actually offer us a dis-service.

My feeling; is the challenge is more about how best discover the way to honour grief alongside looking forward in hope. 

To come to understand an ending can also herald a beginning / future positive event. 

Maybe not right at the moment - but before too long to come.

One time, when I experienced grief around someone significant; I bought myself a book (one which I would not have normally justified to myself), one which I could imagine the decedent might have chosen for me as a bridge between their interests and skills across to my own. 

I still have that book and have learned a lot from it (not least of which, to be bold enough to try something new to me and then share that knowledge with others too - as the opportunity subsequently arises). 

A type of inter-generational "paying it forward" ...in respect and enjoyment of the previous memories.  Not as a burden.  An honour.

I read this quote recently (and saved it to ponder over in greater detail sometime):

"You don't have to be over

the past to move forward.

You just need to give yourself

permission to hold both

grief and hope as you grow."

- Lori Deschene.

Sorry to hear yesterday's peer support group stirred up a lot of history. 

However, it might prove to be a helpful process in the long term.

It is not nice experiencing the feelings risking taking over at the moment - and yet, maybe that might prove preferable to a surprise emotional tsunami arising at a future point?

If I am not sure what to "do with it all" - I might write a letter to myself and set it aside for a few days.  I can find revisiting my letter after a few days of normal life can change my perspective.

I was reading about grief traditions in other cultures / era.  There seemed to be a common theme around making each headline aspect of grief physically tangible and then giving it away.  Sometimes it might be written and put in the fire.  For others it might be a collection of pebbles cast into a natural body of water.  Else, it might be making something with a skill inherited from a decedent and the finished article then given as a gift to a significant person in someone's life.

I am not quite convinced that Autistic people necessarily tend to process grief in quite exactly the same manner / style / timeframe as non-Autistic people. 

I don't have all the "answers" to go along with that observation - more so, it is a reflection upon how very differently I observe those known to me (non-Autistic people) appear to go about and value things during bereavement and grief.  I can find their ways ...a bit alien, artificial, rushed and annoying (not that anyone set out to be so - it is just differences colliding). 

For me, grief is a much slower process.  A quiet and practical musing and eventually an adaption over time.  

I am not overly impressed by the commercialised current cultural trappings / habits often associated with, or expressed around grief.  I fear they can actually offer us a dis-service.

My feeling; is the challenge is more about how best discover the way to honour grief alongside looking forward in hope. 

To come to understand an ending can also herald a beginning / future positive event. 

Maybe not right at the moment - but before too long to come.

One time, when I experienced grief around someone significant; I bought myself a book (one which I would not have normally justified to myself), one which I could imagine the decedent might have chosen for me as a bridge between their interests and skills across to my own. 

I still have that book and have learned a lot from it (not least of which, to be bold enough to try something new to me and then share that knowledge with others too - as the opportunity subsequently arises). 

A type of inter-generational "paying it forward" ...in respect and enjoyment of the previous memories.  Not as a burden.  An honour.

I read this quote recently (and saved it to ponder over in greater detail sometime):

"You don't have to be over

the past to move forward.

You just need to give yourself

permission to hold both

grief and hope as you grow."

- Lori Deschene.

thank you, that quote is really nice