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Insecurities

vani

This will just be a word vomit of something thats been on my mind. Maybe you'll resonate with it that would be cool. we can take comfort in not being alone

My sister and I are no contact, to the point of not speaking when she is in the house or if we are visiting family. luckily she has moved so its not a common thing. 

I am starting my school journey and ignoring all the anxiety and insecurity I have with being in my 20s and being mid a level, its unfortunate that my mum likes to bring up that we are both going in/have been in history courses (im going into classics with a goal of archiving). She makes me feel sad and uncertain in myself. I've tried to bridge the gap between us but she seems to have taken issue with something that I've done with no interest in telling me what that thing is. 

So in summary I don't know what to do about her hating me suddenly. 

  • in reply to vani

    No worries, happy to share my own experience. My brother's wife eventually chose to marry again, to a lovely, kind man. My nieces are now in midlife and doing well, although they had to work through that childhood trauma along the way. I hope your situation gets to a place of ease for you.

  • in reply to leveller61

    thank you that's very good advice, we've spoken previously about it, I apologised for what I thought was the problem but she continued to treat me horribly and it ended in not talking. im sorry abt your brother i hope his wife and kids are doing better 

  • Understand. I have a brother who left his wife and daughters without a penny and skipped over to the States to start over. I wrote to him to ask him to consider paying maintenance and he wrote back, disowning me. Yet, when visiting my mother, she would insist that I speak with him whenever he phoned her. Awkward moments...

    Mothers don't like rifts between their kids and can seek ways to leverage reconciliation.

    If two people fall out and one wants to reconcile but the other won't work through the root cause of the rift with them, that's a power asymmetry. Maybe healthier to express clearly in writing that you wish to reconcile if and when the other person wants to discuss the difficulty openly, and then hand it to them to make the next move (or not) knowing you have done what you can (and stopping worrying about it).

  • Oh I relate. I have a sister who has broken contact with me. The weird part is that she wanted to keep communication open with my daughters, which we were not cool with. Similarly, she lives far away from us, so that helps.