Hi all, this will be a long one, so i'll try to be as brief as possible.
I'm a 28-year-old autistic woman with ADHD and cPTSD. I consider myself to be functionally long-term unemployed due to not having had a paid job since the fall of 2019. I'm desperate to leave the UK so I can finally start living my life, but to do that, I have to learn to manage the workplace and thrive.
In short, I’ve always faced barriers to work. My mother was on benefits longer than I’ve been alive, and she and my immediate family did all they could to discourage me from finding work, including isolating me from any professional connections in their friend groups. They don't see me as someone who can hold down a job due to being autistic, and i should be trapped on benefits and financially dependent on both them and the DWP for life. She, my stepdad, and my bio dad were all abusive/absent in all other ways (bar CSA, thankfully).
Despite this, I managed to go to university. It was a struggle, but I managed to graduate. I even managed to do some casual, part time shifts as a student ambassador. but I never had any targeted help to transition from education to work during that time or after. I was too overwhelmed and terrified of the world of work, and what confidence I did was extremely brittle. I was too overwhelmed to apply for any graduate schemes, and I was too burnt out from education.
I needed time to work out what to do next and then get the support I needed. Unfortunately, within two weeks of moving back to my mother's after my final year, it became clear that I had no choice but to flee their home.
I tried to get help from services; they were useless. Felt I had no choice but to get a job. Managed to get an internship at my university. Was let go after 7 weeks as I just wasn’t ready for the workplace and was struggling with childhood abuse triggers (I got snappy at my colleagues, overshared personal stuff). it was the right decision, but I was terrified, as I had no choice but to go back to services.
Managed to get help and a council home, but not without further trauma and harm from services, and relocating to a different part of the UK entirely to try again with another council. All this leading me to become so mentally unwell I would have had to have been sectioned if I wasn’t given temporary accommodation when I was allocated it. However, I had been lied to by services so much, both intentionally and unintentionally via awful communication, that as soon as I was offered temporary accommodation, I disengaged from all services that I could. I became hyper independent because I had learnt nobody would help me. and nobody checked in on me either. I completely slipped through the net again, and was happy. yet i was trapped in cptsd trauma fog, and i didnt even realise t for years
Over time, I managed to start rebuilding my confidence. I started doing climate work. I managed to meet new people, although I struggled with friendships thanks to CPTSD. And that assumes i even found groups that were held reliably enough (many often weren't, and I need at least biweekly events to feel comfortable opening up to people).
But I always avoiding returning to the workplace in person, especially thanks to the rise of remote work and the digital nomad lifestyle online. I felt I could get a remote job or build side income offline, and I’d never have to go back. And this was largely true back then and even is today, to an extent.
I tried so hard to get remote-based stuff off the ground, like writing, youtubing etc. But in reality, I was overworking and underearning, two classic hallmarks of Cptsd. I was struggling to run my council home, as I was living in it by myself. It was constantly messy; there were multiple DIY jobs that were never done, i had mice visit at least twice a year, and I just wasn't coping. Eventually I got so overwhelmed and consumed with despair at not achieving any of my goals that, in early 2025, I ended my tenancy so I could travel round the UK to gain work experience so I can leave.
I failed all four of my placements. This was thanks to unhealed CPTSD trauma triggers from the SU job, alongside generally struggling to handle everything else going on. I was traveling around so much I was unable to settle anywhere, as work exchange placements would let me go suddenly because I wasn’t meeting their expectations. And all remote work opportunities were not panning out, as I wasn’t even getting interviews or able to handle working and hustling the way required. I was getting rejected from almost everything, if I got replies at all. I simply wasn’t ready to make the jump, both personally and professionally. and also financially. The UK being a rip off nation doesn't help.
I’m 28 now, and it’s only because my attempt to transition to the digital nomad lifestyle failed so spectacularly that the CPTSD trauma fog has lifted and I’ve accepted that I need help.
I’ve managed to move back into the same city, in a shared flat with my friend, which is helping a lot with the housing admin, so I can remain focused on accessing support.
But I’m so despondent and am struggling with despair, loneliness and fearing for my future.
I’ve missed out on so much support tailored for autistic people in the workplace due to my age. I’m 28 now, and the cutoff for a lot of support was 25.
Even things I was able to access before, like Leonard Cheshire’s Change 100 Programme, I couldn’t fully utilise due to my circumstances.
Thing is, I need training and work experience opportunities that are paid at the national minimum wage at least (I cannot under-earn or exclusively do long-term volunteering anymore to avoid continuing the trauma cycle).
I also need employers that won’t let me go early, unless I request it. Likewise, will communicate properly, so I don't think I'm doing well when in reality I'm actually doing terribly.
I do not trust any laws or government schemes due to their many flaws (ie. Labour deliberately mandating cuts to Access to Work meaning there's no point applying for it, Equality Act being toothless thanks to both the "reasonable adjustments" drivel, where employers can claim whatever they want is unreasonable). And that's before how the Equality Act has been guted thanks to related discrimination from the fallout from the Supreme Court ruling from last year, leading to cis women and trans people facing discrimination, something which I've had to deal with as a cis woman with PCOS and a naturally deep voice). Plus, as I'm abroad, I have to learn to cope without laws anyway.
I need to learn how to manage in more minimum wage jobs like coffee shop or hotel work, so I can try working abroad in the future with working holiday visas before I age out of them (alongside funding my master's).
But I'm also so overwhelmed/burnt out from applying to stuff, whether its jobs, work exchanges or even house sits, that I’m struggling to keep momentum to get any of this done.
At this point I need direct placements and referrals, with no application process aside from putting my name forward. How do I get these?
I also need in person networking, not online connections. it's not helping me anymore.
Currently trying to access support for work again, but it's been difficult, especially thanks to recently settling back and constant delays getting appointments and stuff sorted. my last jobcentre apointment was moved to phone at the last minute, so i couldnt ask about local courses.
I’ve missed the boat for academic/uni support, so I’ll need to go back and do a Mamaster's,hich I've been wanting to do for years anyway. I’m looking to get a professional reference this year so I can apply for a master's in 2027. Ideally, I want to do it in the EU so I can settle abroad, back in a country I feel safe and able to be myself in, before ultimately getting my EU citizenship back so i never have to fear being trapped in this country again.
Has anyone had any similar struggles to me? The UK as a country and culture is mentally drdraining,nd if I didn't need to leave the UK for my mental health (ie. to not end up like my mother, I already lived through the secondhand trauma of that as a child, and I'm desperate to not repeat it), I'd be happy to sign off as unfit for work permanently.
