Hello everyone, I'm Lubriel 35yo. I was diagnosed with autism support level 1 and adhd this year, exactly in july.
It all started 4 years ago in a recovery journey where i tried to heal from past trauma, one thing lead to another and i reached a wall at some point. I couldn't find any more answer to what was happening to me.
After some time I met this girl, who was autistic, and i was able to be freely me. At first i was like, you are not autistic, you are like me, we are normal. Even if that relationship didn't worked out, It give me some insight but i didn't accept i was autistic until i dated another girl with autism and i said, maybe i'm too. Did lotsa research about it and decided to be diagnosed with a psychologist.
After being diagnosed I understood all my struggles but what i noticed the most is how angry i was all my life towards my family, who never seem to understand me or are willing to accept me for who i am. I tried to talk to em about this but it didn't went well, i was told so many bad things and again, they made me feel like i don't matter.
Currently I only have one friend, autistic too, and I'm struggling so much to do anything. Day after day is like my motivation is completely gone, family environment is killing me, they insult me a lot or push me to get a job. For me it's really hard to get a job, i was rejected so many times and the only 2 jobs i had was in friends job, also i get very stressed around people or with noise and i'm literally tired of trying to be part of a world that isn't designed for me.
If i had a good environment i could try to do something from home or at least study but my mind is running in circles trying to find a solution to live safely and healthy and i cannot stop it.
Can anyone give me some advice about this? I'm so angry about them, i need peace, i want to feel safe.
