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Trigger warning for behaviours related to mental health

H2whoa

To be more explicit than the title, trigger warning for self harm and suicidal ideation. 

I am posting this hoping that it is allowed as I would sincerely appreciate your perspectives. 

I am recently diagnosed autistic man with a long history of severe mental health issues. This includes a lifetime of self harming behaviour and suicidal ideation. With my recent diagnosis, my doctor suggested that the self harm behaviour in particular might be connected to my autism. It is very habitual and feels very routine. It is constant, not just linked to periods of intense depression. In fact, I feel very agitated if my routine is disrupted.

My doctor actually suggested that I reach out here to see if anyone has experienced something similar and what, if anything, has been helpful to escape the routine. It made a certain amount of sense to me that the highly routine nature of it might be related to my autism, as it was partly this that made the mental team refer me for an autism assessment in the first place. 

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  • in reply to H2whoa

    THIS! You are on the right track. Its not exactly self-soothing... but its a distraction from the noise in your head from the ADHD. I outgrew this with help. Oddly its one of the few things I can do and be so singularly focused that I tune out the world.

    My cousin is a fireman. As kids we had no idea what ADHD was. But he would be the one who just couldn't sit down in class (this was long before ritalin). My aunt took him to doctor after doctor. Finally one of them said his metabolism was upside down. Told her to give him a cup of coffee before school. And it worked. It made him MORE CALM. That was almost 50 years ago. We still joke about downing a pot of coffee before we start the work day... but its real... the steroid hit helps us focus. I'm 56 now, so I only drink about half a pot... but I take two 200mg time-release caffeine pills with it.

    My cousin says to this day the only thing that truly calms down the flood of things going through his mind is the adrenaline rush of his job.

    I say all that to say, it never goes away, but you can replace it. You aren't consciously aware of it, but with ADHD your brain is going a million different directions, and anything that feels like real focus feels real good. Every brain chemistry is different. try lions mane, ashwagandha, B6, etc. Ultimately what helped me was to get a treadmill. Crazy.. but it was my zen... a consistent daily routine that helped me burn off cortisol, that I actually looked forward to... and safer than being a fireman ;). Hope you find something helpful in all that.