Feeling overwhelmed when reaching out, does anyone else experience this?

Yep social communication difficulties for me too - part of that diagnostic criteria I guess.

possibly linked to feelings of inadequacy of capability in this domain - possibly due to a bias towards recollection of negative experiences 

possibly because this is "hard work" and my brain gets frazzled in context 

this reduces confidence and desire to do this in a somewhat downwards spiral

including being really tough on oneself about ones reaction

As other good people have said.

In so far as the specific example that you cite Lonehare12 that link to vulnerability appears consistent with these hypotheses.

However to compliment is a "nice thing to do" so it surprises that this is specifically tricky.

I believe also for me personally because feeling this would be a sense of "social trade" that underpins this and possible that because it is a "personal" message there is extra pressure.  To do what you outline would in effect be saying "I like your behaviour" and by extension " I like you" and by doing so be indicating a desire for friendship with them.

In context perhaps you might find a not too effusive or embarrassing way to express your support and good wishes for that person publicly when they next deserve it and take it from there?

If they respond to posts you make in similar fashion then I think that would satisfy criteria for friendship perhaps?  

That established the relative risk of rejection to PM might be reduced as you already have a good idea of "which way the wind is blowing".

Of course I might be completely miles off with this!

Anyway, thanks for getting my little grey cells working this morning - I needed some distraction.

Oh that reminds me - one of the ways I've personally mostly overcome social difficulties is by being the one who helps when asked(or even when not!) - making a career out of it.  I think maybe this means we are given permission and a reason for social contact with others which helps if confidence in oneself is low and yet social contact is needed.  Hehe, guess we engage in this a lot in this chat group.

This is a "dual edged sword" as it can leave one vulnerable to "people pleasing" being a primary motivator wherein one becomes vulnerable to exploitation and also to losing one's sense of self.

There's plenty of chance to practice being yourself in this chat-group - I think your asking the question is a really good example of that.

Thanks again.

Best Wishes

I think you’re right about the vulnerability and the feeling of “saying I like you” without meaning to signal friendship.

That pressure is exactly what makes me think twice.

I do like to help people too and it's where I feel most comfortable. I am trying to notice when it might slip into people pleasing.

Thank for the in-depth and thoughtful reply. It does help.

I think you’re right about the vulnerability and the feeling of “saying I like you” without meaning to signal friendship.

That pressure is exactly what makes me think twice.

I do like to help people too and it's where I feel most comfortable. I am trying to notice when it might slip into people pleasing.

Thank for the in-depth and thoughtful reply. It does help.