I’m just feeling a bit confused and lost at the moment. I’m 26 (nearly 27) and I’m feeling a bit down in the dumps. I currently don’t have any kind of social life and I’m desperately trying to keep boredom and frustration away. Sometimes it’s awful and I’m genuinely bored to tears with my own company. I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this. Far from it. I just feel like I’ve missed out on so much of my 20s that I’m never going to get back. I’m feeling paralysed when it comes to making friends and connections. Because I found out that everyone I knew at college has their own life now, and I’m so behind in even beginning my own. And now I don’t know where to actually begin…
I recently tried reaching out to the social prescriber who works with my GP surgery. She suggested some things I can try such as wellbeing walks, a reading group and arts & craft, but I just…don’t know? It just feels like a lot of filler things once a month. I suppose it’s better than nothing, but I‘m terrified that it’s just going to turn into a big disappointment for me. What if the people don’t accept me or understand, especially seeing as I’ve also developed a voice condition this year. This has definitely made things even harder when it comes to actually talking to people without feeling even more shy and self-conscious. It’s dented my self-esteem in a big way, and it wasn’t great to begin with. Now being laughed at for not being able to talk or communicate well has just made me feel like giving up despite all the voice therapy which unfortunately doesn’t feel like it’s working as it keeps getting cancelled and stalling.
I’m also worried that there will be no one else my age at these groups and I’ll be the odd one out because I have absolutely nothing in common with older people? I’ve experienced this in the past and it just destroys me. I want to date and do normal things at my age and trying to make an effort, but I don’t see any kind of opening for this. I know I’m not owed anything, but..I just want to be happy. Loneliness is just…very heavy sometimes, because there’s never really been anything mentally stimulating for me to do, no one to talk to or build a friendship with. Since leaving college, everyone I knew has drifted, and I have nowhere to go. It’s worse seeing people doing exciting things and going on holidays together. I feel like something has gone wrong with me.
I just have so many questions, and no answers. I don’t know if I’m just stuck in a rut feeling sorry for myself because so much has gone wrong this year, but I find it so difficult walking about town alone every day with no one to talk to. I don’t know how this is meant to get better?
You need to stop talking yourself out of everything. Instead of thinking 'What's the worst that could happen', which is catastrophising and a cognitive distortion, think 'What's the best that can happen'.
You may not meet people who are your age, but they may know people who are, or have other suggestions. The may help you. The more you make yourself visible and the more people you interact with the more chance there is.
You need to actually try things. Is it easy, no. But you have to start somewhere. If you do the same things you'll get the same results.
There is adult education, night classes at the local college, you could find a cookery course, art course, try volunteering for something, go to the local church, find a club, gym, etc. None of these are easy. I don't know if you work, as that gives you contact.
Can you make contact with people from college just to have a coffee or something. Nothing major, but something to get started.
Don't try to force it. Things happen when least expected. Everyone thinks everyone else is having a great time. In reality, mostly they aren't. You aren't someone else, so don't compare yourself to others. Don't expect perfection and a magic wand to make it all so.
Meeting people after college/uni is harder though, and work is the next best bet.
The main challenge is to have the energy to do anything other than work.
You need to stop talking yourself out of everything. Instead of thinking 'What's the worst that could happen', which is catastrophising and a cognitive distortion, think 'What's the best that can happen'.
You may not meet people who are your age, but they may know people who are, or have other suggestions. The may help you. The more you make yourself visible and the more people you interact with the more chance there is.
You need to actually try things. Is it easy, no. But you have to start somewhere. If you do the same things you'll get the same results.
There is adult education, night classes at the local college, you could find a cookery course, art course, try volunteering for something, go to the local church, find a club, gym, etc. None of these are easy. I don't know if you work, as that gives you contact.
Can you make contact with people from college just to have a coffee or something. Nothing major, but something to get started.
Don't try to force it. Things happen when least expected. Everyone thinks everyone else is having a great time. In reality, mostly they aren't. You aren't someone else, so don't compare yourself to others. Don't expect perfection and a magic wand to make it all so.
Meeting people after college/uni is harder though, and work is the next best bet.
The main challenge is to have the energy to do anything other than work.
