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Oh Lordy, Give Me Strength!

Sporadic Sparkly

If there is one thing I am good at, it is venting. If there is one thing I truly excel at, then it is venting about my mother...

Earlier this evening I overheard a telephone conversation my son was having with my mother. Now, before anyone tells me I shouldn't have been eavesdropping, my son had got my mother on speakerphone and knew I was listening to what my mother was telling him.

There is much my mother says that causes me and my son concern, and/or leaves our brains feeling truly scrambled. The telephone conversation was no exception.

During that telephone conversation, I heard my mother say, I've now lost count of how many TV licenses I've got." My mother is a 70-year-old widow and lives on her own. She only needs one TV licence, and my son and I both know that she only has one TV licence. My mother knows how to do online banking and frequently checks her bank account. In addition, my mother knows how much the cost of TV licence is. If it were true that my mother had more than one TV licence, then this would be reflected in her bank transactions and bank statements. My son and I are now at a loss as to what has made my mother think she has multiple TV licences.

In addition, my mother seemed to be of the opinion that her internet security provider had charged her for viewing YouTube content on her TV, via her set top box. WTF?! Over the years, my son and I have repeatedly tried to explain to my mother that a lot of her theories and assumptions relating to technology are wrong. 

If my mother ends up on the receiving end of marketing e-mails or letters, she now thinks that she is being singled out and targeted. For example, she had recently received a letter (I think) from her bank stating that cheques can now be deposited digitally. She then proceeded to tell my son that she couldn't understand why the bank had sent her that letter, and how it had been years since she had last owned a cheque-book. My son patiently had to explain that the bank was not insisting she (and only she) deposit cheques digitally, but that they would have sent the same letter to lots of customers to let them know that option was available.

One of the many things that frustrates me about my mother is that she can be quick to criticise other people and bang on about the need to use common sense. It is as though she has developed a blind spot. If my mother took a dose of her own medicine and used her own common sense, she would know that she only has one TV licence.

Sometimes my mother will say, "I know you all think I'm crazy and talking a load of nonsense!" Well, I think that if my mother actually stopped talking for long enough to think about what she says, she would soon realise why members of the family sometimes wonder if she's going senile, and often struggle to make sense of what she says.

Parents

  •      ,

    It is entirely possible that my mother may well have dementia, especially as my maternal great-grandmother went senile after suffering a stroke, and my maternal grandmother had vascular dementia. A lot of the time, I feel that much of what my mother says/does falls into the category of normal age-related cognitive decline, but then she will say something that causes alarm bells to ring for both myself and my son.

    The topic of dementia is one that is difficult to broach with my mother, as one of her biggest fears has been the prospect of getting dementia. During recent years, I have discussed my concerns with some of her siblings. I have asked them to let me or my son know if they have similar concerns. Not helping matters is the fact that since my dad's death in 2019, my mother seems to have developed a persecution complex.

    Although my mother suffers terribly with arthritis, it doesn't stop her from getting out and socialising. She has always been very much a people person. Despite my mother having a considerably more active social life than me and my son, there is no denying that she often feels lonely and isolated.

    My mother openly admits that she doesn't understand technology, but this doesn't deter her from actively wanting to use it. During recent years, she seems to have formed the opinion that anything related to the internet/broadband is all linked up. As an example, my mother had been wanting to renew a RHS (Royal Horticultural Society) membership, but had been having issues. She mentioned something about the RHS being connected to the BBC, and said she had wondered if the reason why she'd had difficulty renewing her RHS membership was because of the BBC. She had also been having issues with the BBC app, I believe. Where technology is concerned, if my mother has multiple separate issues, she will perceive them as all being related.

    According to my mother, within the past year or so it has been put on her medical records that she is vulnerable. I would like to think that if the surgery we're both with suspect dementia, the GPs and nurses will be actively monitoring my mother.

Reply

  •      ,

    It is entirely possible that my mother may well have dementia, especially as my maternal great-grandmother went senile after suffering a stroke, and my maternal grandmother had vascular dementia. A lot of the time, I feel that much of what my mother says/does falls into the category of normal age-related cognitive decline, but then she will say something that causes alarm bells to ring for both myself and my son.

    The topic of dementia is one that is difficult to broach with my mother, as one of her biggest fears has been the prospect of getting dementia. During recent years, I have discussed my concerns with some of her siblings. I have asked them to let me or my son know if they have similar concerns. Not helping matters is the fact that since my dad's death in 2019, my mother seems to have developed a persecution complex.

    Although my mother suffers terribly with arthritis, it doesn't stop her from getting out and socialising. She has always been very much a people person. Despite my mother having a considerably more active social life than me and my son, there is no denying that she often feels lonely and isolated.

    My mother openly admits that she doesn't understand technology, but this doesn't deter her from actively wanting to use it. During recent years, she seems to have formed the opinion that anything related to the internet/broadband is all linked up. As an example, my mother had been wanting to renew a RHS (Royal Horticultural Society) membership, but had been having issues. She mentioned something about the RHS being connected to the BBC, and said she had wondered if the reason why she'd had difficulty renewing her RHS membership was because of the BBC. She had also been having issues with the BBC app, I believe. Where technology is concerned, if my mother has multiple separate issues, she will perceive them as all being related.

    According to my mother, within the past year or so it has been put on her medical records that she is vulnerable. I would like to think that if the surgery we're both with suspect dementia, the GPs and nurses will be actively monitoring my mother.

Children
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