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breaking out of internalised shame

aurelis

Something I realised is that I made my life harder than it needed to. I was diagnosed from the age of 3, and for my whole life I felt in myself that autism was something to be ashamed of, and grew up trying to catch up with everyone else, rather than accept myself as who I am and work from there. No one taught me to be ashamed, I think I internalised that my meltdowns and my slow processing was a negative thing.

Although life has been good (and a massive thanks to my mom for understanding my autism and really supporting me), I think that it could have been easier if I had given myself space to catch up in my own time rather than trying to catch up to be like everyone else.

However, from now on especially, I’m going to work within my capabilities., and allow to accept myself as I am instead of trying so hard not to be autistic. Just a reminder to myself and whoever reading this that autism is nothing to be ashamed of. 

where is everyone in their journey of acceptance?

Parents

  • I am getting better at ignoring the inner shouts of judgement that I am an imposter. My support needs are not as high as others may be which does add to the occasional question of doubt and uncertainty. That’s not to say I do not still go through phases of shame or guilt that I have made this whole thing up and I don’t belong here on this forum. It’s been mentioned here before that imposter syndrome may be the result of getting a diagnosis later on in life. I was deeply obsessed with the diagnosis to begin with, I would read my report over and over again trying to pick it apart and understand it better. It’s nice to see you are learning to accept yourself also, it’s so difficult for some people and I wish they gained the strength to do so also. 

  • in reply to Autismman

    Support needs can be classed into two main groups I think higher which is to say you need a care giver at all times and lower which means you may or may not need a care giver but that doesn’t mean you have lower needs it just means you can tend to them your self 

    I realised my needs are different but I do still need a care giver most of the days but I am (mostly) verbal and I can do most things for my self on a good day snd on a bad day i csn barley function on an average dsy I need care from another to avoid it becoming a bad day 

  • in reply to 190E(Taylor’s version)

    Sorry to hear you can struggle so much UNO. That must be difficult to soldier on with sometimes. I was given the ASD level 1 diagnosis, these levels are subject to great debate. I think I struggle to even know when I am taking on too much or when I am heading downhill, it’s like I let it all pile up, as if I am numb then the avalanche hits out of no where. I am glad I have a diagnosis but it also comes with a new found identity and one that I am still learning about. 

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  • in reply to 190E(Taylor’s version)

    Sorry to hear you can struggle so much UNO. That must be difficult to soldier on with sometimes. I was given the ASD level 1 diagnosis, these levels are subject to great debate. I think I struggle to even know when I am taking on too much or when I am heading downhill, it’s like I let it all pile up, as if I am numb then the avalanche hits out of no where. I am glad I have a diagnosis but it also comes with a new found identity and one that I am still learning about. 

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