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breaking out of internalised shame

aurelis

Something I realised is that I made my life harder than it needed to. I was diagnosed from the age of 3, and for my whole life I felt in myself that autism was something to be ashamed of, and grew up trying to catch up with everyone else, rather than accept myself as who I am and work from there. No one taught me to be ashamed, I think I internalised that my meltdowns and my slow processing was a negative thing.

Although life has been good (and a massive thanks to my mom for understanding my autism and really supporting me), I think that it could have been easier if I had given myself space to catch up in my own time rather than trying to catch up to be like everyone else.

However, from now on especially, I’m going to work within my capabilities., and allow to accept myself as I am instead of trying so hard not to be autistic. Just a reminder to myself and whoever reading this that autism is nothing to be ashamed of. 

where is everyone in their journey of acceptance?

Parents

  • I learned to embrace autism without it I’d be one of the sheeple but with autisim I feel no need to follow trends 

    if a film is said ro be aweful but I love it so what

    if my clothes aren’t trendy so what I like them

    spend £100s on a smart tv that I won’t like or £10-£90 on a vintage led/plasma/crt tv that I will love so much?

    also for so long I held on to the belief any chart music is rubbish and only old music is good once I let go of that snd embraced that I am me and I like what I like my eyes opened ip

    i tried being everyone else but it turned out everyone else had filled that position so I decided to be myself and it worked out so much better 

    as a kid I didn’t know I was autistic so I felt embarrassed when I hyper focused on something and when I knew the full story of a film even the deleted scenes or the novelisation 

    as I got older I was like yeah im a geeky nerd etc thats just me then I realised geek and nerd are just negitive words that the media made trendy and what I am is an autistic man wirh so much autistic joy waiting to spill our 

    and now that I allow it to spill out I am truly me snd I find my self going “oh oh oh wow wow wow it’s a class 66 pulling a class 508 oh wow wow” and smiling more than ever at these joys and my stims which I only ever did during negitive situations now have positive outputs too yay 

    dont get me wrong i still mask but I find masking for some of the dsy or doe not the days can be healthy as it can allow me to regulate but then if I mask tok long I burnout so it’s a balance 

    one thing I’ll never get used to is someone  going ok bye then but my brain goes before thy go tell them one last really important fact haha 

Reply

  • I learned to embrace autism without it I’d be one of the sheeple but with autisim I feel no need to follow trends 

    if a film is said ro be aweful but I love it so what

    if my clothes aren’t trendy so what I like them

    spend £100s on a smart tv that I won’t like or £10-£90 on a vintage led/plasma/crt tv that I will love so much?

    also for so long I held on to the belief any chart music is rubbish and only old music is good once I let go of that snd embraced that I am me and I like what I like my eyes opened ip

    i tried being everyone else but it turned out everyone else had filled that position so I decided to be myself and it worked out so much better 

    as a kid I didn’t know I was autistic so I felt embarrassed when I hyper focused on something and when I knew the full story of a film even the deleted scenes or the novelisation 

    as I got older I was like yeah im a geeky nerd etc thats just me then I realised geek and nerd are just negitive words that the media made trendy and what I am is an autistic man wirh so much autistic joy waiting to spill our 

    and now that I allow it to spill out I am truly me snd I find my self going “oh oh oh wow wow wow it’s a class 66 pulling a class 508 oh wow wow” and smiling more than ever at these joys and my stims which I only ever did during negitive situations now have positive outputs too yay 

    dont get me wrong i still mask but I find masking for some of the dsy or doe not the days can be healthy as it can allow me to regulate but then if I mask tok long I burnout so it’s a balance 

    one thing I’ll never get used to is someone  going ok bye then but my brain goes before thy go tell them one last really important fact haha 

Children
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