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Looking for advice/support: my vulnerable 20-year-old son (Autism + ADHD) and online risks

rachellouise

Hi everyone, I’m posting here because I’m feeling very overwhelmed and worried about my son, Joshua (20). He’s autistic, has ADHD, and although professionals say he has capacity, he’s very vulnerable. I’m hoping other parents or autistic adults might have advice, reassurance, or ideas about keeping him safe while respecting his independence.

Some background:

  • He has depression, health anxiety, and a lot of rumination.

  • History of bullying and trauma (he was sexually assaulted at age 11, which was reported at the time).

  • He struggles with self-esteem and often wants to “not be himself.”

  • He has an appointment booked with a psychiatric doctor on 1st September, which I’m really hoping will help, but I’m worried about keeping him safe until then.

What’s worrying me right now:

  • He’s been drawn into online hypnosis and believes it “broke his brain.” He talks about “wires in his head being crushed” and is convinced he has brain damage, even though scans are normal.

  • Since then, he says he can’t think clearly, can’t enjoy things, and wants others to “think for him.”

  • He’s been talking to older men online who sexualise him and encourage him to call them things like “Sir” or “Daddy.” He’s also described himself online as an “online ***.”

  • I’m terrified he’s being groomed or exploited.

  • Restricting his phone feels dangerous (he might leave home if I push too hard), but letting him continue feels unsafe too.

My concerns as his mum:

  • He’s so trusting and vulnerable — I worry he can’t see the risks.

  • Direct confrontation makes him hide things from me.

  • He is fixated on these ideas about his brain being broken, which makes it hard for him to function day to day.

  • I’m scared for his safety and unsure how to support him until better treatment and safeguarding are in place.

What I’m asking the community:

  • Has anyone else supported an autistic young adult in a similar situation?

  • How do you balance safety with respecting independence, especially online?

  • What has helped your child (or yourself, if you’ve been through something similar) when obsessional thoughts and vulnerability made life feel unmanageable?

Thank you for reading this — I just want to keep Joshua safe while also helping him feel understood and supported. Any advice or shared experiences would mean a lot. Blue heart

Parents

  • When I am asking questions here - I really am not encouraging you to provide the answers here - rather, I am hoping you might be able to assess the situation through the vehicle of the questions and contact the appropriate healthcare service for additional support if you feel that is now necessary.

    Have you updated the 1st September psychiatric doctor's team with these latest developments and asked about the possibility of your son being considered for their appointment cancellation list?

    Maybe it is possible their team could ask your county's early intervention service / crisis team to urgently see him at home to help everyone better understand what is happening.  A GP can also make such a referral to such an intervention team - even sometimes based upon a GP-to-patient telephone appointment.

    Your son's GP would also be in a position to take into account of any new or dosage changed or side effects of any prescribed medication.

    What I am not sure about - is whether your understanding is all based upon your son's reports to you - or if you have witnessed or overheard any of the goings-on.  I don't just mean your son's side of these conversations with others - has anyone seen or overheard the conversations your son has been experiencing?

    I ask because the NHS guidance around hypnotherapy includes the warning (the yellow panel) against the suitability of hypnotherapy for individuals with a history of psychosis or certain types of personality disorder - the concern being the use of hypnotherapy could worsen such pre-existing conditions:

    https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/hypnotherapy/

    One other consideration - depending upon the level of your son's autonomy and opportunity - is there any chance your son might have been convinced to self-medicate either via something bought online and delivered at home, or something he could buy in the local community? 

    For instance: I once worked with an excellent team member (young adult) who really got themself into considerable mental health issues - as a result of using something which they considered "mild" - purchased, not in a shop, but elsewhere locally - and which clearly did not suit that person's brain - at all. 

    That young adult had "help" getting into that self-medicating scene in the first place - as a result of their having made some new "friends" outside of their usual sphere of life. 

    It was a difficult situation to support in the workplace and our company liaised with their next of kin contact (their relative) to release them from their workplace duties with us and to facilitate their return from their independent flat back to their parental home - to increase the likelihood of their benefitting from a suitable support network.

    The company kept their role open on a long-term sick leave basis.  The person was able to return to the workplace (after the required medical absence).  The person continued their recovery journey, working too.  However - they moved flat to distance themself from those "friends" - something which I think was an important strategy - under the circumstances. 

    (I was so proud; of how every member of the rest of our team supportively re-included the person back into the workplace - without making a fuss or asking probing questions - as it must have been a challenge for the returning person - as they knew what the team had witnessed of their situation before their medical leave).

    Best wishes to you and your son for the coming weeks.

Reply

  • When I am asking questions here - I really am not encouraging you to provide the answers here - rather, I am hoping you might be able to assess the situation through the vehicle of the questions and contact the appropriate healthcare service for additional support if you feel that is now necessary.

    Have you updated the 1st September psychiatric doctor's team with these latest developments and asked about the possibility of your son being considered for their appointment cancellation list?

    Maybe it is possible their team could ask your county's early intervention service / crisis team to urgently see him at home to help everyone better understand what is happening.  A GP can also make such a referral to such an intervention team - even sometimes based upon a GP-to-patient telephone appointment.

    Your son's GP would also be in a position to take into account of any new or dosage changed or side effects of any prescribed medication.

    What I am not sure about - is whether your understanding is all based upon your son's reports to you - or if you have witnessed or overheard any of the goings-on.  I don't just mean your son's side of these conversations with others - has anyone seen or overheard the conversations your son has been experiencing?

    I ask because the NHS guidance around hypnotherapy includes the warning (the yellow panel) against the suitability of hypnotherapy for individuals with a history of psychosis or certain types of personality disorder - the concern being the use of hypnotherapy could worsen such pre-existing conditions:

    https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/hypnotherapy/

    One other consideration - depending upon the level of your son's autonomy and opportunity - is there any chance your son might have been convinced to self-medicate either via something bought online and delivered at home, or something he could buy in the local community? 

    For instance: I once worked with an excellent team member (young adult) who really got themself into considerable mental health issues - as a result of using something which they considered "mild" - purchased, not in a shop, but elsewhere locally - and which clearly did not suit that person's brain - at all. 

    That young adult had "help" getting into that self-medicating scene in the first place - as a result of their having made some new "friends" outside of their usual sphere of life. 

    It was a difficult situation to support in the workplace and our company liaised with their next of kin contact (their relative) to release them from their workplace duties with us and to facilitate their return from their independent flat back to their parental home - to increase the likelihood of their benefitting from a suitable support network.

    The company kept their role open on a long-term sick leave basis.  The person was able to return to the workplace (after the required medical absence).  The person continued their recovery journey, working too.  However - they moved flat to distance themself from those "friends" - something which I think was an important strategy - under the circumstances. 

    (I was so proud; of how every member of the rest of our team supportively re-included the person back into the workplace - without making a fuss or asking probing questions - as it must have been a challenge for the returning person - as they knew what the team had witnessed of their situation before their medical leave).

    Best wishes to you and your son for the coming weeks.

Children
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