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Desperately want to help son but causing stress and mental illness.

Sarah82

Hi all I hope you can help me please.  Sorry it’s a long one. 
I am a single mum with a son with asd and a daughter with muscular dystrophy. 
My son just about managed in his special school but once he left everything has just fallen apart. He’s had two years enrolled at college and been for the first two weeks of each year then been off sick with anxiety and mental health. He’s lives in his bedroom. Has rubbish sleep and eats poorly. He says he doesn’t want to spend forever in his room but when I try help him he just can’t manage it. I’ve found an education setting very different to a college. Small classes in a woodland setting. It’s more about building confidence and self esteem. I thought it would be some where to start. I managed to get him to visit it and he thought he would like it. I’ve worked my socks of with the council to get his ehcp sorted. He has a place and will start September. Now he’s not looking forward to any of it and not sure he can do it. He has some serious health issues where he suffers from low blood sugar and high heart rate of 160. But won’t see a dr. It’s always “not today”. Head in the sand. A lady visits the house for cmht due to depression and self harming. He will only see her at home with me there. He says everything right with her and does nothing once she’s gone to help himself.
In between all this I am trying to care for my disabled daughter and sorting adult care for her. 
I, myself am being investigated for ms. I’m waiting for a spinal tap and brain scan. My mental health team want me to have a stay in a crisis house for respite as I am so  burnt out. But can’t leave my children and all the behind the scenes emails and phone calls. I feel I am working myself to death and he knows he won’t go. I just dont know what to do. His grandparents tell me I’m too soft on him and I should tell him he’s going. It’s like walking on egg shells with my son and piggy in the middle with my parents. I don’t know what to do or if I have any strength left to do it. 
any advice most appreciate x

Parents

  • First off, well done.  You've held it all together and are doing your best. The college sounds nice.

    You do need to look after yourself as well, although this seems hard to do in your position, but you are not indestructible.

    Maybe I am harsh, but perhaps you do need to push your son a little. Since you are talking of college he is presumably not young. It'll do no harm to remind him he is not the only one with issues. He may not like it and may sulk, but it will sink in and he should process it. If he does not attend this school there is nothing else. He needs to take some ownership of his life. Tough love.

    Blood sugar could be helped with diet. A banana could raise that, but I don't know what advice you have been given. Anxiety and mental health are made worse by poor sleep, poor diet and no exercise. There is no down side at the moment. He needs a push.

    Get him to create a routine with you. When he will get up, what he will eat, when he will go to bed, how much time on gadgets each day, how much time outside, etc. No easy way out. He can't be a victim forever dependant on you.

Reply

  • First off, well done.  You've held it all together and are doing your best. The college sounds nice.

    You do need to look after yourself as well, although this seems hard to do in your position, but you are not indestructible.

    Maybe I am harsh, but perhaps you do need to push your son a little. Since you are talking of college he is presumably not young. It'll do no harm to remind him he is not the only one with issues. He may not like it and may sulk, but it will sink in and he should process it. If he does not attend this school there is nothing else. He needs to take some ownership of his life. Tough love.

    Blood sugar could be helped with diet. A banana could raise that, but I don't know what advice you have been given. Anxiety and mental health are made worse by poor sleep, poor diet and no exercise. There is no down side at the moment. He needs a push.

    Get him to create a routine with you. When he will get up, what he will eat, when he will go to bed, how much time on gadgets each day, how much time outside, etc. No easy way out. He can't be a victim forever dependant on you.

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