Feeling lost..

Hi there, I’m so sorry to hear about all this. Mistakes can happen and it’s natural to feel stupid but please don’t ok? I wish I had a wand to wave too but please don’t feel you shouldn’t exist, I know how you feel though as I feel I don’t deserve to exist and I make things worse for everyone but please don’t feel like that. Are you still on the waitlist for an autism assessment? If you’re in the UK you might be able to use right to choose and go with psych uk, that’s what I did and got an assessment online. I don’t know if that applies in Wales (assuming your Welsh with your username)

welcome to the community by the way 

To be honest I have no idea where I am in anything now, I just feel ive just wasted peoples time, I wish I didn't ask for help cause im always made to feel like I shouldn't I might aswell be invisible or just stop it all myself, yeh im Welsh an thank you 

That’s a common feeling, and I can assure you: sticking up for yourself and asking for help is by no means wasting people’s time. That is the job of these folks. 

I’m sorry you’re going through this—misunderstandings can feel crushing, especially when it’s something you’ve been looking forward to, but just because it didn’t come to fruition this time doesn’t mean it isn’t a good option. Please don’t get discouraged- the right help is out there and you are worth it. If you’re comfortable, find someone to tell this to, whether it be family or a professional, because it’s not good to stay in this kind of mentality alone. Life sucks, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise, but just because it’s harder for you doesn’t mean you’ve failed. You’re doing so well.
in the mean time, if you haven’t heard of it, I suggest looking up something called RSD that plenty of neurodivergent people like myself struggle with.

Just keep your chin up and keep us posted.

love,

max

Why are you worth any less than anyone else?

You don't think that really, else you would not be telling us about it.

What you mean is you want some help, but you are not sure what to do and you feel a bit embarrassed about making a mistake, or misunderstanding what was happening.

Well guess what:

1. Autistic people have issues with communication
2. Have issues with relationship, like with doctors, where social cuessy be misinterpreted
3. They are prone to cognitive distortions like, it never works, I'm no good, it's all my fault, it can't work so there is no point trying (black and white thinking), 
4. They are more prone to depression
5. Can sometimes be easily discouraged 
6. Need help

Don't be so hard on yourself. What did you expect. It's not supposed to be easy.

You are just doing what you are supposed to do, but you can't see it.

Once you know these things you can look at yourself and start noticing them. It is even easier to see it in others, then apply it to yourself.

This is what is going to help you and what the CBT should have helped with. Helping you to see your behaviours so you take a step back and consider what is best.

You'll feel better on the morning. Then you can say what you need help with.

Maybe you can get someone to help call the GP?

Right now i don't think im worth any support best I keep away from it

Then I’m backing up Stuart333 and saying tell your GP. This could be medical, and you deserve support. Coming to us was a great start, and it’s the job of a professional to give you that kind of support on a higher degree, so id urge you to someone who does. Even find a virtual one. 

I dont have a therapist no more ended a while back, thats why ive been asking for help cause of how i feel I know im depressed have been for a very long time, im just tired of hitting rock bottom an thinking bad things an trying to explain all this to the professional an they act like im not just hurts alot more thats why im better off not seeking it no more .. sorry I know I sound dumb.. but thanks for replying to me ️ 

This is the feeling of right now, not always. You’re worth it, hon, and I really think you should tell your therapist about this if you can. I felt like this for years, and, thinking it was normal, told no one. Turns out I was severely clinically depressed. I’m not saying you are at all, but if you have a network, it’s best to let them know what’s going on so they can support you. There’s no shame in having reactions that differ from other people’s, but it’s good to keep track of them for your own health.

most likely, you are your harshest critic, and seeking others’ patience and forgiveness is not necessary since you have done NOTHING wrong. It’s not normal to feel so downtrodden about yourself merely for existing and asking for a little guidance and help. Diagnosis or no, you’re never wrong for taking the space you need to thrive.

Sending love across the world

This is the feeling of right now, not always. You’re worth it, hon, and I really think you should tell your therapist about this if you can. I felt like this for years, and, thinking it was normal, told no one. Turns out I was severely clinically depressed. I’m not saying you are at all, but if you have a network, it’s best to let them know what’s going on so they can support you. There’s no shame in having reactions that differ from other people’s, but it’s good to keep track of them for your own health.

most likely, you are your harshest critic, and seeking others’ patience and forgiveness is not necessary since you have done NOTHING wrong. It’s not normal to feel so downtrodden about yourself merely for existing and asking for a little guidance and help. Diagnosis or no, you’re never wrong for taking the space you need to thrive.

Sending love across the world

Why are you worth any less than anyone else?

You don't think that really, else you would not be telling us about it.

What you mean is you want some help, but you are not sure what to do and you feel a bit embarrassed about making a mistake, or misunderstanding what was happening.

Well guess what:

1. Autistic people have issues with communication
2. Have issues with relationship, like with doctors, where social cuessy be misinterpreted
3. They are prone to cognitive distortions like, it never works, I'm no good, it's all my fault, it can't work so there is no point trying (black and white thinking), 
4. They are more prone to depression
5. Can sometimes be easily discouraged 
6. Need help

Don't be so hard on yourself. What did you expect. It's not supposed to be easy.

You are just doing what you are supposed to do, but you can't see it.

Once you know these things you can look at yourself and start noticing them. It is even easier to see it in others, then apply it to yourself.

This is what is going to help you and what the CBT should have helped with. Helping you to see your behaviours so you take a step back and consider what is best.

You'll feel better on the morning. Then you can say what you need help with.

Maybe you can get someone to help call the GP?

Right now i don't think im worth any support best I keep away from it

Then I’m backing up Stuart333 and saying tell your GP. This could be medical, and you deserve support. Coming to us was a great start, and it’s the job of a professional to give you that kind of support on a higher degree, so id urge you to someone who does. Even find a virtual one. 

I dont have a therapist no more ended a while back, thats why ive been asking for help cause of how i feel I know im depressed have been for a very long time, im just tired of hitting rock bottom an thinking bad things an trying to explain all this to the professional an they act like im not just hurts alot more thats why im better off not seeking it no more .. sorry I know I sound dumb.. but thanks for replying to me ️