Autistic girl struggling

Hello. :-)

Don't worry, it feels terrible but it will get better, but it may take some time.

It won't seem like it at the moment, your thoughts will keep looping and you will be up and down a bit. Revisiting all your fears and mistakes on repeat and beating yourself up is not much fun.

Are you stressed about something in particular at the moment? Exam results, going to uni, ot college, finding somewhere to live? Or worrying about something you can't talk about?

I have had stress over a long period and things I couldn't talk about and it slowly drains you..Then one day it's too much. Then small things become hard to cope with, your autistic traits come out, you lose confidence, things seem harder, you get more emotional. You hold it in when out and about, but when alone you let it out.

Crying makes you feel better.

You may be worried about change. Anticipation of change gets me, more than the actual change.

I think you probably need to rest, if you can, cut down on caffeine, alcohol, vapes, etc. Try to eat properly.

If you are in your room, lie on the bed. Lying down feels better. Put some music on, use headphones if you prefer not too loud. Just lie there. Close your eyes, removing visual input helps me, it's why I like night.

You can also try some breathing exercises. Breathe in deeply, breath out slowly like blowing through a straw. Do it half a dozen times. I will help to calm you.

When calm, write down the things that you are worrying about. It may be hard, but getting it on paper forces you to think them through and put it into words. It may take some days or weeks. You may keep coming back to the same things.

Next look at what you can control or do something about. Try to make some action plans. Just doing one thing a day will mount up. Being in control of your destiny is much more reassuring. Don't be scared to ask for help.

Make so time for yourself to just do nothing and not feel guilty about it.

Talking on here will help, it helped me.

Thank you for the reassurance and suggestions I will definitely give them a try! Currently I’m struggling a lot with eating as I’ve been diagnosed with ARFID and feeling extremely self conscious surrounding that and just socially in general. I often find that one trigger can bring about lots more. This leads to existential overthinking and stimming , making my thoughts difficult to put into words. I’m the only person I know IRL that deals with the exact issues I have, my brother also has Asperger’s but his issues are more learning based. I think this lonely feeling is what gets me the most, I have a large group of friends of which the majority are supportive of my diagnosis and do what they can to help. Yet I still feel self conscious as if I cannot talk to anyone, which I do find quite difficult.

Have you ever felt feelings like like where it’s difficult to express into words exactly how your feeling out of fear of judgement or misunderstanding?

Thank you for the reassurance and suggestions I will definitely give them a try! Currently I’m struggling a lot with eating as I’ve been diagnosed with ARFID and feeling extremely self conscious surrounding that and just socially in general. I often find that one trigger can bring about lots more. This leads to existential overthinking and stimming , making my thoughts difficult to put into words. I’m the only person I know IRL that deals with the exact issues I have, my brother also has Asperger’s but his issues are more learning based. I think this lonely feeling is what gets me the most, I have a large group of friends of which the majority are supportive of my diagnosis and do what they can to help. Yet I still feel self conscious as if I cannot talk to anyone, which I do find quite difficult.

Have you ever felt feelings like like where it’s difficult to express into words exactly how your feeling out of fear of judgement or misunderstanding?

I never talked about any feelings. I didn't like them. I didn't understand them. I didnt cry or express excitement. I was trying to be normal and manly. I am not sure if I have alexithymia, or if it's learned behaviour. I seem to score high enough in the quiz.

Anyway, if you can write it down what you feel, it means you can feel it and identify it. So it is an issue of saying it out loud, not identifying it.

This could be down to shame, fear, or guilt. These are internal, things you generate. You might want to look where they are coming from.

Fear could be due to fear of judgment, of being different, being rejected, ridiculed, not taken seriously, of standing out, etc. Likewise for shame. If you know what holding you back, you can think about it.

I was seriously constrained by shame, guilt and fear of being noticed.

I don't know about eating issues, but i would guess subconsciously you want to control it because you can't control other things. You need to be in control of something.

This is why I suggested writing down the things that are worrying you and trying to control something. Focus your energies positively.

If your thoughts spiral try to distract yourself, e.g with music. It is easy to focus on that, while lying down with your eyes closed. Or you can dance around. Whatever works.

Do you think you don't deserve to eat? I kind of punish myself, by denying myself things. But then I'm worried that people might notice and am ashamed. So I keep up appearances which makes me feel different and not really part of things. This difference makes me feel more lonely when with people.

It is hard to talk to people if you feel different.

The less uncertainty you have the calmer you will feel.

The most important thing is to try to talk to someone. I bottled things up for years. It does not help and just looses time and makes things hollow. It is very hard to start talking and much easier to pull back and put it off.

It takes bravery to break the seal and start letting things out.