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Countdown to a Meltdown

Damojo

I want a quick way to communicate to my family when I'm feeling stressed and if anything urgent needs to be done about it. I have an idea that a 0–5 "stress scale" might help, as I could signal my stress level using the fingers of one hand.

Here's what I've come up with so far (with the help of AI). I would appreciate any input you have around the "Objective Indications". They don't really match my own experiences particularly closely yet (it's a work in progress). There are probably signs that I miss in myself, but maybe you could chip in with a few of your own experiences and I'd go, "Oh, yeah. Me, too.":

Stress Level Scale (0 to 5)

Level Subjective Feeling Objective Indications
0 Completely at ease and content Calm demeanor, relaxed posture, smiling
1 Very calm, slightly aware of surroundings Minimal fidgeting, steady breathing
2 Mildly stressed, feeling some tension Subtle fidgeting (e.g., tapping fingers), slight changes in tone, maintaining eye contact
3 Moderately stressed, difficulty concentrating Increased fidgeting, subtle body language changes (e.g., shifting in seat), masking behaviors (e.g., forced smile)
4 High stress, feeling overwhelmed Tension in body, avoiding eye contact, speaking more quickly or quietly, noticeable masking
5 Extremely stressed, on the verge of a crisis Signs of distress may be hidden (e.g., clenched fists, tight jaw), withdrawing from social interaction, hyperventilation, inability to communicate verbally

So, if I hold up 3 fingers, it could mean I'm feeling distinctly stressed, but I can grin and bear it as long as the environment remains stable. While 4 fingers could mean that I need rescuing from a situation—something definitely needs to change as I'm struggling. With 5 fingers, I'm basically just waving goodbye as I'm entering meltdown/shutdown, can't really speak and need some place quiet immediately.

What do you think? Any suggestions?

EDIT: Here is an updated scale based on feedback from the posts below. Please continue to suggest changes and I will apply them here.

(Updated) Stress Level Scale (0 to 5)

Level Subjective Feeling Objective Indications Actions
0 Completely at ease and content Calm demeanor, relaxed posture, smiling Respond to alarm clock
1 Very calm, slightly aware of surroundings Minimal fidgeting, steady breathing None required
2 Mildly stressed, feeling some tension Subtle fidgeting (e.g., tapping fingers), slight changes in tone, mild unease Consider taking a break
3 Moderately stressed, difficulty concentrating Increased fidgeting, subtle body language changes (e.g., shifting in seat), masking behaviors (e.g., forced smile) Take a break (use the bathroom), move about, identify the exits, use headphones
4 High stress, feeling overwhelmed Tension in body, avoiding eye contact, speaking more quickly or quietly, noticeable masking Move towards the exits, get some air, find a quieter place
5 Extremely stressed, on the verge of a crisis Signs of distress may be hidden (e.g., clenched fists, tight jaw), withdrawing from social interaction, hyperventilation, inability to communicate verbally Leave immediately and find a safe, quiet place to rest and recover
  • in reply to Bunny

    Thanks for that Bunny. It looks like a really good idea. I don't think it's for me, but others here might really like that alternative to waving fingers in the air. They might not want to come over like they're at a rave just as the pall bearers enter the room.

  • Something that you could consider using in conjunction with your system is communication clothing. 

    Once your family has learned your scale, you could use this to more subtly indicate your needs by pointing or gesturing to one of the images. This might feel easier / less awkward to do (compared to making more obvious hand signals) when you’re also in the company of others.

    This online shop, for example, is run by a neurodivergent person and offers various styles of communication clothing that includes tops featuring sharks, rabbits, dinosaurs, planets, and more.

    As they describe, you can “express needs, boundaries, and emotions without saying a word. Whether you're selectively mute, nonverbal, overwhelmed, or simply want to be understood without vocal explanation”:

    Iinside My Head - Communication clothing

    In this particular case, their clothing doesn’t include any printed descriptions for what the different images represent. I know (from having previously watched a video by them on the subject) that this is intentional, and reflects the preferences of their customers - including because it allows them to attach their own meaning to what each one means. 

    The animals / items have expressions that range from one end of the scale to the other, and you could quite easily use these in conjunction with your own scale, matching up to the numbers from left to right.

    They also have “yes” and “no”, with one on each sleeve, which wearers can use to answer questions.

  • in reply to profdanger

    I think the "Actions" column is necessary. I want this to be a simple way to "train" others close to me about my basic needs and accommodations. If I'm struggling, I might need them to take the initiative and know what to do. My idea is that I could, say, wave 4 fingers at them from a distance and they'll come and help keep me calm while we find some place quiet to park me for a while.

    I might combine that with a simple time-out "T" sign if I need a break and can manage by myself, or a "cut" sign (fingers across throat) if I really have to bail out.

  • in reply to Damojo

    Ooo that’s a great idea to add another column! Especially for numbers 4 and 5, that could be useful.

  • in reply to profdanger

    I agree about the eye contact. This was just an AI thing I generated to get me/us started. I don't think my eye contact varies much until I am about to go off the cliff. I would guess I have significantly lower than average eye contact most of the time (particularly in noisy environments), but when highly stressed my eye contact will be either non existent or a full-on stare, nothing in between.

    Also, I think I should add another column to the table to suggest actions to be taken. I'll start with something very simple. I'll edit my original post to put that up top and update it if I get any more feedback.

    Thanks for you input.

  • Sounds good to me! Though I don’t know about “maintaining eye contact” at 2 being a universal thing most Autistics can do. Besides that I think this communicates pretty well how you are feeling. I could see how this could be very useful for someone with both Autism and anxiety for sure.