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Phobia of growing up

Laurapiscina

Hello everyone Im new. Our son is 15 and was diagnosed when he was 4 years old. Since becoming 13 he has developed this real fear of growing up. Which has intensified over the last two years. We do not celebrate his birthday anymore, as this resulted in panic attacks, and disregulation. Its becoming more and more difficult to celebrate his siblings birthdays aswell. At school he will refuse to celebrate with his friends and becomes very withdrawn and shuts down.  Whenever we try and discuss it with his he becomes very upset. Even buying new clothes/shoes as his body is changing is an issue. He refuses to accept any body change. At school they are discussing next steps in life, jobs etc. again its just emphasising the growing up. We dont know where to really turn to, he sees a councillor at school but we dont seem to be getting anywhere. There is only so much we can tiptoe around it. Its got so bad that his toy choices, and dvds have gone back to what a toddler would play with peppa pig, musical toys etc which I have no issue with but I feel like its his way of controlling his age.  
ANY ADVICE AND SUPPORT WOULD BE MASSIVELY APPRECIATED. 
thanks laura 

  • in reply to Laurapiscina

    Great, I hope the wait isn’t too long if he is referred. Wishing you all the best. 

  • in reply to Autismman

    Yes we have an appointment booked with his GP next week.

  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    Thanks for the response its really helpful to get it from someone who is an autistic. Last year we stripped his birthday right back. He still requested presents but not wrapped, cake but no singing happy birthday, no balloons, no family round. It was very relaxed. 
    We tried to explain to him that it was an Archie day not birthday.
    We are just struggling how To talk to him about growing up, Rather than avoiding the conversations as we dont want him to get upse which we had done previously, even down to shoe size, and because he is getting taller he is physically hutching over to avoid it. 
    ive tried social stories, growing up books from an another autistic point of view. He is just in complete denial. 

  • It’s difficult growing up anyway and adding autism into teenage years is even more difficult. Sometimes fears develop from the experience a person was having during an extreme moment of anxiety and or panic. Associating say flowers with dread/overwhelming fear/panic because last time you had a panic attack it was at a garden centre. A young mind will not have the necessary internal logic and life skills to over come these types of irrational fears. A common autistic trait is to fear change, especially change they have little to no control over. Not sure where you are in the world but if it’s the UK a GP can refer to a psychiatrist if you felt this was needed. 

  • Although I didn't have a fear of growing up, I didn't (and still don't) enjoy celebrating my birthday (which is a huge issue as my family are bonkers-over-the-top birthday etc. celebrations people).

    I don't think I am alone among Autistic people (of different age groups) of not welcoming: the change to routine, being centre of attention, people expecting you to travel to their house / venue to eat unfamiliar food, sing at you, insist in taking photos and so forth.

    Some Autistic people (myself included) really can become uncomfortable about surprises and opening gifts (the whole process).  That is a long topic ... perhaps best left for another thread all of it's own.

    Transition such as changing class / school / home / country can be hard work for some Autistic people (as a child / adolescent I often associated my birthday with such transitions).

    Even as an adult, with many years of "birthday" experience - I still wish people would just take my lead and respect if I say that I prefer no presents, no surprises and no fuss on my birthday.

    Now, if I were to suggest somewhere to visit outdoors on my birthday with a maximum of 3 other people - that is a different matter (a good sign that my birthday that year happened to coincide with feeling on good form).

    Maybe try keeping things liw key (minimal surprise elements).  Ask if they would prefer to know about a gift in advance and if they might find it easier if gifts were not wrapped up.  Definitely, worth asking for their birthday food menu suggestions.

    I would be happier with e.g. decent fish shop "fish and chips" over a birthday cake ...in any year of my life!

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    I'm sorry to hear of your son's struggles.

    Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for autistics to also experience mental health issues of various types.

    I suggest contacting his GP for support (which could include - for example - medication, therapy and/or a specialist referral).

    In case it's of any help ahead of seeing his GP - and although the subject wasn't diagnosed as autistic - this case study discusses successful treatment (with medication and therapy) of a 14-year-old boy who experienced similar issues:

    National Library of Medicine (US) - Severe Growing-Up Phobia, a Condition Explained in a 14-Year-Old Boy

    On a more general note, your son might find the information here helpful:

    NAS - Resources for autistic teenagers (Know Yourself series)